There is something terrifying about the idea of your child being sick. Maybe it is just post pregnancy hormones, who knows but yesterday was not an easy day for me. It started out in the morning, Davy was playing with some toys and so I went into the kitchen to get some food together for his breakfast. Kevin was sleeping on the couch so I figured that everything would be ok. I came back and thought that Davy looked like he might have something in his mouth so I did a finger swipe through his mouth to check. I thought I felt something but he swallowed it before I could get it, if I did feel anything at all. Shortly thereafter he started acting really tired (which was uncommon for the time of day) and we put him down for his nap. After he woke up from his nap I noticed that he was feeling kind of hot so I took his temperature and discovered that he had a fever. I ended up calling up the doctor and they had me come in right away for an x-ray for the possibility of a swallowed object. After a horrific time at the doctors where he got an x-ray, and had a flu test done to see if he had the flu we found that there was nothing to be seen on the x-ray and he did not have the flu. However the doctor did advise us to keep him away from Evangeline until he was 24 hours without a fever. So my mom took him home with her.
Needless to say yesterday was a very stressful, tear filled day for me. I was worried about my little boy, that he might have swallowed something that could hurt him, that he might have the flu, and worried about my little girl that she might have caught whatever it was that Davy had and would end up with a fever and in the hospital on IVs. Today I have had a few scares with Evangeline because our temporal thermometer (which you use on her forehead) has given me a few high measurements. However when I have double checked with an anal thermometer I have gotten regular readings. I just hate checking her temp anally, but it is the most accurate way and I don't want to take her into the ER without being sure that her temperature is high risk. All in all it has been stressful on me.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Eating and Sleeping
Since bringing our little girl home we have learned something about her, she is a cluster feeder. What is cluster feeding? It is when a baby will want to eat every 1 to 2 hours. So what does this mean? It means that Evangeline starts cluster feeding at about 11 pm and continues to cluster feed till about 9 am. Which means no sleep for Mommy, because every hour Evangeline wakes up and wants more food. Needless to say, my last few days have been a sleepless agony. Most nights I have been averaging about 2 to 4 hours of very awful sleep. Well the other night Kevin hit upon a fantastic way of fixing this. He noticed that Evangeline sleeps better when there is a lot of noise going on around her. And when things are dead quiet she tends to wake up and want food and stuff. So on Christmas Eve I downloaded a white noise app on my phone and played it whenever I put Eva to bed. I ended up getting about 6 hours of sleep this way and felt much more rested the next morning. Which was perfect since it was Christmas. Last night I went to bed early, and then used the white noise app to help me get even more sleep during the night and ended up getting 8 hours of sleep total! Finally I have a morning where I don't feel like a zombie!! Thank goodness for a wonderful husband with awesome ideas!!
Sunday, December 23, 2012
The last few days
So much has happened in the last week or so that it seems crazy looking back at it all. I posted last week about our false alarm that took us to the hospital and then back home again. So Monday of this week I went in to have my growth ultrasound and to see my ob. She ended up doing both the ultrasound and the doctor visit. She checked me and determined that I was still at a 3 and had not really made any change. We talked about everything and about giving birth and after doing the ultrasound she determined that the baby was about 6 lbs and maybe 8 oz and her lungs should be fully developed and she should be good to go if she was born this week. And she said that I seemed to be ready to have her, which at that point I was. The false alarm had gotten me to the frame of mind where I was finally ready for her to show up. So my ob said, "Well I am scheduled to be on duty at the hospital tomorrow night so if you can get contractions started and come in I can strip your membranes and that will get things moving and we can deliver you that night. But if you can't get contractions started then come in on Thursday morning and I will strip your membranes and you can deliver that night." I left her office trying to decide what I wanted to do.
On the one hand Kevin and I were planning to go on a date on Wednesday and I was really looking forward to that. We have only had two dates the entire year and I was so excited about having one more before the baby came. However, if I went into labor on Tuesday then I would be guaranteed to have my doctor deliver me, which is what I really wanted. I sent an e-mail to Kevin's mom that night (Monday) updating her on what was going on and the decision I was trying to make. She sent back a recipe for using castor oil to induce labor. So Tuesday Kevin had a doctor appointment and Davy and I went with him. While waiting for his appointment to be over I checked our bank account on my phone and discovered that we did not have enough money to go on our date. We had been buying things to get ready for the baby (since the false alarm made us realize just how unprepared we really were) and the extra money we were going to use for the date was gone. When I realized that there was no chance of a date I decided that I wanted to try and get contractions going that night rather than wait. So before we left the town Kevin's doctor is in we stopped at a health goods store and got some castor oil.
When we got home we put Davy down for his nap, I made up the castor oil concoction and after drinking it I started working out on our elliptical. After a few hours I started to feel contractions really get going. Kevin and I had been getting things together in preparation for going to the hospital, and so by the time things really got going we were ready. We finished things up, got things out to the car, got Davy out to the car, took him over to my parents house dropped off him, and his over night bag, filled up on gas, dropped off a redbox video and headed up to the hospital.
When we got there they took us directly into a labor and delivery room and started asking questions, they brought in the doctor who checked me (I had progressed a little) and also stripped my membranes. Then they let me continue naturally. Things moved slowly, as they seem to do with my labors, and Kevin and I relaxed and slept a little, the contractions began to get stronger and eventually I had them attempt an epidural on me. My epidural with Davy failed so I was worried that this one would too. However the anesthesiologist did a really good job and taped me up really well and it worked like a charm. I began to not be able to really feel my contractions and so when they gave me pitocin to speed things up I barely even noticed. I actually fell asleep and was waiting for things to actually start moving. Then around 3 am something changed, the nurse came in because she was seeing something strange with the baby's heart rate. I had an internal monitor on the baby at this point (they attach a monitor to the baby's scalp), but the monitor was not giving them very good readings, so they switched to the external monitor, but that was not great either because the baby moved so much it was difficult to keep a good track of her heart rate. Anyway after some time of watching and trying this monitor or that we came to a conclusion of what was happening. Every time I contracted the baby's heart rate was dropping and when the contraction stopped the heart rate would go back up. They called in the doctor and kept trying different monitors, but it still wasn't giving them consistent readings. Either way the doctor was worried about what was going on. So she had the pitocin stopped. The heart rate still continued to drop during contractions and rise after they were done. She checked me and I was dilated to 6 cm.
At this point she talked to me about it all. She said, "The baby's heart rate keeps dropping during contractions which makes me worried that something is wrong. If you were at an 8 or a 9 we would probably just proceed forward and have you deliver naturally but because you are at a 6 I think we should do an emergency c-section." It was not what I wanted to hear. But the entire time they were talking about the heart rate dropping I knew that a c-section was a strong possibility. I was really scared, scared for myself but more scared for the baby. Kevin could tell because he kept saying "You are going to be ok, it will all be ok." I told the doctor that I really didn't want a c-section but that I was fine with it if the baby was in trouble. So she brought out the consent forms and I signed them and they moved me to the operating room.
I am so thankful that the epidural worked because now that was exactly what I needed for the c-section. I am scared to imagine what that Wednesday morning would have been like if the epidural had failed. They got me prepped and made sure I was completely numb and then they brought Kevin into the room. He stood by my head as they operated on me and took the baby out of me. All I felt was tugging and pulling and pressure, thankfully I did not feel or see anything they were doing. What they discovered was that Evangeline had the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck and her body so every time I contracted it tightened the cord around her neck and her body and was cutting down on the oxygen she was receiving Once Evangeline was born they had Kevin come over and cut her umbilical cord and he was able to stay with her. They brought her over to me for me to see, she was crying and so I reached out and stroked her face and talked to her, the moment I touched her she calmed down and stopped crying, it was beautiful to see my little girl. As the surgery continued and they put me back together and stitched me up I was finally able to calm myself down and get myself to a point where I was calm enough that I almost fell asleep. Evangeline was born at 4:25 am, she was 6 lbs 1 oz, and was 18 3/4 inches long.
After they were done they took me to a recovery room where I had to wait until a certain amount of time before they would take me to the postpartum room. During that time I slept a little because I was so tired and also drowsily just waited. After a little while Kevin came in with Evangeline and I was able to nurse her for the first time. She took to it like a pro and latched on right away. After nursing for quite awhile she fell asleep and was taken to the nursery to sleep for awhile. Kevin and I were then taken to our own room. We slept most of Wednesday, I nursed Evangeline when she was brought in but mostly we all slept. It took awhile for my pain meds to wear off and for me to get to a point where I needed some more. The incision pain was not too bad at first but got worse over time. Thursday was also not extremely eventful, mostly I was focused on passing gas. At first I wasn't allowed to eat real food until I passed gas, but my doctor came in and vetoed that and soon passing gas was instead what I needed to do before we could leave the hospital. However, I think the castor oil cleaned me out so well that it took forever for me to get any gas out. By Friday I was getting desperate because I was told that I could leave once I passed gas. I began to call it "The fart of freedom" because that is all I needed was one little toot, one fart and I could go home.
We spent Friday walking and rubbing my belly and trying anything we could think of to get me to pass gas. And it wasn't that I didn't have gas, oh I had gas, I could feel it roiling around inside of me. In fact it got to the point where the gas pain was my worst pain. And here is the crazy thing, the gas pain traveled up to my shoulder and gave me shoulder pain to such an extreme that it hurt just to breathe. Finally on Friday night after over an hour's worth of walking I finally passed gas. However, we were not yet free. Earlier in the day Evangeline had gotten the green light to go, however, because of me we were there long enough that they did another vitals check on her in the evening and thought that they had heard an irregularity in her heartbeat. So they ordered an EKG on her and had a pediatrician come and look at it. He said he didn't see anything wrong with her and finally gave us the good to go. We finally got out of the hospital around 11:30 pm and got home around midnight. It feels good to be home finally.
I am currently on many different restrictions. I can't lift anything heavier than 10 lbs for 6 weeks, I can't drive a car for a week, I can't do housework for two weeks. I feel pretty useless, because of my incision I can't bend over to pick things up, I can't move quickly, I have to avoid stairs when possible. It is crazy, but it is so that I can recover correctly. Today has been our first day at home with our entire family and it had been busy but good. I am so thankful for Kevin and for everything he has done to support me through all of this. And I am grateful to my parents for watching both Davy and our dogs while we were in the hospital.
Looking back on it all I sometimes find myself wondering if I was being selfish by inducing myself so early. But then I think back to how wrapped up in the cord Evangeline was and I wonder if I had waited if she would have made it or if something bad could have happened to her. If I had started contracting really bad while at home I would not have had a monitor to tell me that something was wrong. Though I wonder if I should have waited the fact is Evangeline is here healthy and safe and alive and that is the important thing. We are so thrilled and happy with our new little girl.
On the one hand Kevin and I were planning to go on a date on Wednesday and I was really looking forward to that. We have only had two dates the entire year and I was so excited about having one more before the baby came. However, if I went into labor on Tuesday then I would be guaranteed to have my doctor deliver me, which is what I really wanted. I sent an e-mail to Kevin's mom that night (Monday) updating her on what was going on and the decision I was trying to make. She sent back a recipe for using castor oil to induce labor. So Tuesday Kevin had a doctor appointment and Davy and I went with him. While waiting for his appointment to be over I checked our bank account on my phone and discovered that we did not have enough money to go on our date. We had been buying things to get ready for the baby (since the false alarm made us realize just how unprepared we really were) and the extra money we were going to use for the date was gone. When I realized that there was no chance of a date I decided that I wanted to try and get contractions going that night rather than wait. So before we left the town Kevin's doctor is in we stopped at a health goods store and got some castor oil.
When we got home we put Davy down for his nap, I made up the castor oil concoction and after drinking it I started working out on our elliptical. After a few hours I started to feel contractions really get going. Kevin and I had been getting things together in preparation for going to the hospital, and so by the time things really got going we were ready. We finished things up, got things out to the car, got Davy out to the car, took him over to my parents house dropped off him, and his over night bag, filled up on gas, dropped off a redbox video and headed up to the hospital.
When we got there they took us directly into a labor and delivery room and started asking questions, they brought in the doctor who checked me (I had progressed a little) and also stripped my membranes. Then they let me continue naturally. Things moved slowly, as they seem to do with my labors, and Kevin and I relaxed and slept a little, the contractions began to get stronger and eventually I had them attempt an epidural on me. My epidural with Davy failed so I was worried that this one would too. However the anesthesiologist did a really good job and taped me up really well and it worked like a charm. I began to not be able to really feel my contractions and so when they gave me pitocin to speed things up I barely even noticed. I actually fell asleep and was waiting for things to actually start moving. Then around 3 am something changed, the nurse came in because she was seeing something strange with the baby's heart rate. I had an internal monitor on the baby at this point (they attach a monitor to the baby's scalp), but the monitor was not giving them very good readings, so they switched to the external monitor, but that was not great either because the baby moved so much it was difficult to keep a good track of her heart rate. Anyway after some time of watching and trying this monitor or that we came to a conclusion of what was happening. Every time I contracted the baby's heart rate was dropping and when the contraction stopped the heart rate would go back up. They called in the doctor and kept trying different monitors, but it still wasn't giving them consistent readings. Either way the doctor was worried about what was going on. So she had the pitocin stopped. The heart rate still continued to drop during contractions and rise after they were done. She checked me and I was dilated to 6 cm.
At this point she talked to me about it all. She said, "The baby's heart rate keeps dropping during contractions which makes me worried that something is wrong. If you were at an 8 or a 9 we would probably just proceed forward and have you deliver naturally but because you are at a 6 I think we should do an emergency c-section." It was not what I wanted to hear. But the entire time they were talking about the heart rate dropping I knew that a c-section was a strong possibility. I was really scared, scared for myself but more scared for the baby. Kevin could tell because he kept saying "You are going to be ok, it will all be ok." I told the doctor that I really didn't want a c-section but that I was fine with it if the baby was in trouble. So she brought out the consent forms and I signed them and they moved me to the operating room.
I am so thankful that the epidural worked because now that was exactly what I needed for the c-section. I am scared to imagine what that Wednesday morning would have been like if the epidural had failed. They got me prepped and made sure I was completely numb and then they brought Kevin into the room. He stood by my head as they operated on me and took the baby out of me. All I felt was tugging and pulling and pressure, thankfully I did not feel or see anything they were doing. What they discovered was that Evangeline had the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck and her body so every time I contracted it tightened the cord around her neck and her body and was cutting down on the oxygen she was receiving Once Evangeline was born they had Kevin come over and cut her umbilical cord and he was able to stay with her. They brought her over to me for me to see, she was crying and so I reached out and stroked her face and talked to her, the moment I touched her she calmed down and stopped crying, it was beautiful to see my little girl. As the surgery continued and they put me back together and stitched me up I was finally able to calm myself down and get myself to a point where I was calm enough that I almost fell asleep. Evangeline was born at 4:25 am, she was 6 lbs 1 oz, and was 18 3/4 inches long.
After they were done they took me to a recovery room where I had to wait until a certain amount of time before they would take me to the postpartum room. During that time I slept a little because I was so tired and also drowsily just waited. After a little while Kevin came in with Evangeline and I was able to nurse her for the first time. She took to it like a pro and latched on right away. After nursing for quite awhile she fell asleep and was taken to the nursery to sleep for awhile. Kevin and I were then taken to our own room. We slept most of Wednesday, I nursed Evangeline when she was brought in but mostly we all slept. It took awhile for my pain meds to wear off and for me to get to a point where I needed some more. The incision pain was not too bad at first but got worse over time. Thursday was also not extremely eventful, mostly I was focused on passing gas. At first I wasn't allowed to eat real food until I passed gas, but my doctor came in and vetoed that and soon passing gas was instead what I needed to do before we could leave the hospital. However, I think the castor oil cleaned me out so well that it took forever for me to get any gas out. By Friday I was getting desperate because I was told that I could leave once I passed gas. I began to call it "The fart of freedom" because that is all I needed was one little toot, one fart and I could go home.
We spent Friday walking and rubbing my belly and trying anything we could think of to get me to pass gas. And it wasn't that I didn't have gas, oh I had gas, I could feel it roiling around inside of me. In fact it got to the point where the gas pain was my worst pain. And here is the crazy thing, the gas pain traveled up to my shoulder and gave me shoulder pain to such an extreme that it hurt just to breathe. Finally on Friday night after over an hour's worth of walking I finally passed gas. However, we were not yet free. Earlier in the day Evangeline had gotten the green light to go, however, because of me we were there long enough that they did another vitals check on her in the evening and thought that they had heard an irregularity in her heartbeat. So they ordered an EKG on her and had a pediatrician come and look at it. He said he didn't see anything wrong with her and finally gave us the good to go. We finally got out of the hospital around 11:30 pm and got home around midnight. It feels good to be home finally.
I am currently on many different restrictions. I can't lift anything heavier than 10 lbs for 6 weeks, I can't drive a car for a week, I can't do housework for two weeks. I feel pretty useless, because of my incision I can't bend over to pick things up, I can't move quickly, I have to avoid stairs when possible. It is crazy, but it is so that I can recover correctly. Today has been our first day at home with our entire family and it had been busy but good. I am so thankful for Kevin and for everything he has done to support me through all of this. And I am grateful to my parents for watching both Davy and our dogs while we were in the hospital.
Looking back on it all I sometimes find myself wondering if I was being selfish by inducing myself so early. But then I think back to how wrapped up in the cord Evangeline was and I wonder if I had waited if she would have made it or if something bad could have happened to her. If I had started contracting really bad while at home I would not have had a monitor to tell me that something was wrong. Though I wonder if I should have waited the fact is Evangeline is here healthy and safe and alive and that is the important thing. We are so thrilled and happy with our new little girl.
Friday, December 14, 2012
Awesome Cookie Husband
My Relief Society held a cookie exchange yesterday and because of everything that happened yesterday there was no way that I was able to make it to the cookie exchange. So today Kevin offered to go shopping while I stayed home with the napping Davy and I mentioned to Kevin that I was really craving cookies and would love it if he brought home cookies. Well he brought home so many cookies I now have no idea what to do with them all. I asked for gingerbread and fake girl scout cookies and maybe some take and bake cookies. Well he brought home all of those as well as quite a few others. More cookies than I wanted, more cookies than we need. But all that being said, he is such an awesome guy for it all! I know Mom Sampson reads this blog and let me just say, when it comes to Kevin you did really good in raising a good man. Not just for the fact that he fulfills my food cravings when I am pregnant but also because he is just an awesome husband. Yes, there are times when he can be frustrating, but in the end I know that he loves me dearly, cares about me greatly, and is completely committed in taking care of his family in every way he can. He is an awesome guy!
My heart breaks for them
Today I had a little break in the action of chasing around Davy and so I decided to check facebook and see what was going on. And that is how I learned of the tragic shooting that happened in CT today.
When I had Davy I suddenly discovered that I had obtained a new fear. A fear that something could happen to him and that he could die, especially at his young age, there are so many things that can so easily kill a child. It is scary, you spend the first few years of your child's life watching them so closely because you are terrified that something may happen that will take them out of your life. There have been nights, after Davy goes to sleep where I walk through our living room and see all his toys all over the place and I think, how sad it would be if he died and I had to clean up all the toys with the realization of just how irrelevant they had become. All the memories of him playing with this toy or that toy, his little face turning to smile up at me. And it strikes a deep and very resonant cord in me and usually makes me cry. Usually it is those nights that I have to go in and stare at him for awhile as he sleeps, remind myself that he is just fine and is peacefully sleeping and in the morning will wake happy and alive.
And so it is that fear that makes the shooting today so very real to me. The article I read said that 20 children were killed in this tragedy. And one of the comments made regarding the article mentioned that the families of those children will be going home to decorated houses with presents hidden in closets that no one would open. And it made me think of my thoughts on Davy's toys. Tonight I started to wrap presents. I brought out presents from where I had them hidden in my closet and started to get them ready to wrap. My heart just breaks for those families who lost their children. I can imagine the heartbreak, because I already have imagined it every day since Davy was born. I know little Evangeline is not yet here but I have already started my worry for her. Children are such a wonderful thing in life it makes a parent realize just what a void they would leave in your life if anything happened to them. My heart breaks for the families affected by today's tragedy.
When I had Davy I suddenly discovered that I had obtained a new fear. A fear that something could happen to him and that he could die, especially at his young age, there are so many things that can so easily kill a child. It is scary, you spend the first few years of your child's life watching them so closely because you are terrified that something may happen that will take them out of your life. There have been nights, after Davy goes to sleep where I walk through our living room and see all his toys all over the place and I think, how sad it would be if he died and I had to clean up all the toys with the realization of just how irrelevant they had become. All the memories of him playing with this toy or that toy, his little face turning to smile up at me. And it strikes a deep and very resonant cord in me and usually makes me cry. Usually it is those nights that I have to go in and stare at him for awhile as he sleeps, remind myself that he is just fine and is peacefully sleeping and in the morning will wake happy and alive.
And so it is that fear that makes the shooting today so very real to me. The article I read said that 20 children were killed in this tragedy. And one of the comments made regarding the article mentioned that the families of those children will be going home to decorated houses with presents hidden in closets that no one would open. And it made me think of my thoughts on Davy's toys. Tonight I started to wrap presents. I brought out presents from where I had them hidden in my closet and started to get them ready to wrap. My heart just breaks for those families who lost their children. I can imagine the heartbreak, because I already have imagined it every day since Davy was born. I know little Evangeline is not yet here but I have already started my worry for her. Children are such a wonderful thing in life it makes a parent realize just what a void they would leave in your life if anything happened to them. My heart breaks for the families affected by today's tragedy.
False Alarm
So on Tuesday night, while I was actually typing up my thoughts on my last post, I started to have contractions. I thought that they were coming rather often so I decided to start timing them. So I downloaded a contraction counter app onto my phone and started timing. The app timed how long the contractions were and how many minutes between contractions there were. All very good to know because I was asked those questions when I got to the hospital.
So I called up my parents and Kevin and let them know what was going on with me. Kevin came home from work early and I called my doctor's office and talked to the nurse on call for the night. After talking to me and asking me a bunch of questions she told me that I needed to go in to the hospital. So Kevin and I hurriedly packed stuff and then waited for my parents to come over. Once they got here I waited a little longer to see if the contractions continued, when they did we took off for the hospital. When we got there the person at the ER desk put me right in a wheelchair and took me straight up to Labor and Delivery. There I was put in a triage room where they checked me and told me I was at 1 1/2 centimeters, they told me they would wait 2 hours and then check me again and if I had changed they would keep me. Well two hours later I was at 3 centimeters. So they took me into a delivery room. They started me on antibiotics since I have Group B Strep and told me that once I had been given all my antibiotics they would check me again. At about 11 am I had gotten all my antibiotics and so they checked me, but this time the person who checked said I felt like a 1 1/2 to a 2. Which was smaller than what I had been, which didn't seem right. So they called in my doctor who checked me and said that I felt like I was at a 3, but that since I hadn't changed much that she was going to have me take a 1 hour walk and if nothing had changed after that then they were going to send me home.
So we went on a one hour walk around the Maternity unit, which I must say was exhausting. My hips hurt so bad after I was done. But I hadn't changed and so I was sent home finally. But my doctor told me that in her estimation I was in early labor and that she would not be surprised if I had the baby within the next few weeks. She said that if I was still pregnant come next Thursday that she would strip my membranes and see if I went. I am hoping I deliver before she goes on vacation. Crossing my fingers.
So I called up my parents and Kevin and let them know what was going on with me. Kevin came home from work early and I called my doctor's office and talked to the nurse on call for the night. After talking to me and asking me a bunch of questions she told me that I needed to go in to the hospital. So Kevin and I hurriedly packed stuff and then waited for my parents to come over. Once they got here I waited a little longer to see if the contractions continued, when they did we took off for the hospital. When we got there the person at the ER desk put me right in a wheelchair and took me straight up to Labor and Delivery. There I was put in a triage room where they checked me and told me I was at 1 1/2 centimeters, they told me they would wait 2 hours and then check me again and if I had changed they would keep me. Well two hours later I was at 3 centimeters. So they took me into a delivery room. They started me on antibiotics since I have Group B Strep and told me that once I had been given all my antibiotics they would check me again. At about 11 am I had gotten all my antibiotics and so they checked me, but this time the person who checked said I felt like a 1 1/2 to a 2. Which was smaller than what I had been, which didn't seem right. So they called in my doctor who checked me and said that I felt like I was at a 3, but that since I hadn't changed much that she was going to have me take a 1 hour walk and if nothing had changed after that then they were going to send me home.
So we went on a one hour walk around the Maternity unit, which I must say was exhausting. My hips hurt so bad after I was done. But I hadn't changed and so I was sent home finally. But my doctor told me that in her estimation I was in early labor and that she would not be surprised if I had the baby within the next few weeks. She said that if I was still pregnant come next Thursday that she would strip my membranes and see if I went. I am hoping I deliver before she goes on vacation. Crossing my fingers.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
What is the point?
Just as a note this post does not have a whole ton to do with my pregnancy or about Davy but instead has to do with my views on the LDS Church and their views on gender and families.
Today on Facebook one of my friends posted a link to a news article regarding a Mormon Feminist group "All Enlisted" who is urging LDS Women to wear pants to church this Sunday to protest gender inequality. Here is the link to the article: LDS Women urged to wear pants to protest gender inequality
I would like to quote one of the comments that was made in response to this article "It isn't about the actual clothing, it is about the disenfranchisement and marginalization of women in the church. It is about the fact that the church leaves women out of the highest leadership roles. It is about conference talks regularly attempting to guilt us into having more children and giving up another 18 years to raise that child. It is bringing to light the pain we feel attempting to raise our daughters to be strong, independent women and yet still going to church and having sacrament meeting led by men and blessed and passed by boys 1/3 our age. And all of this begins on Sunday morning with the dress or skirt we put on while our husbands put on a suit and tie."
Truthfully, women like the person who made this comment are really missing the point of the gospel. So what is the point? What is the whole point of coming to this earth anyway? Is it to live our life, fulfill our dreams and do everything we ever imagined we could do? Is it to become equal to each other in every way? Is it to get everything that everyone else has? What is the point of this life?
My answer to these questions has been a good long time in coming. Yes I could have told you the basic answer long ago as a child, but I didn't really understand what it all entailed at that point. I don't know if it has come through struggling for so long to have a family, or from the struggles and trials I have gone through in my life, or from just having children and having that family that I have always wanted, or maybe even from teaching seminary and thus coming closer to Christ and Heavenly Father. However I got to this point I do get it now.
The answer is: The point of coming here to Earth is to gain a body, experience life in such a way that we can grow to become like our Heavenly Parents, and then one day return to them and progress to become like them. The answer really comes down to another question, "What are we anyway?" We are children of God, literally. We are gods in embryo, or maybe rather in childhood. I suppose that our pre-mortal spirit life could be compared to being in an embryonic state and coming here to Earth is now our childhood of sorts. We learn, we grow and we learn how to act and be and the choices we make now will affect our next progressional phase in becoming like God. We are basically toddlers. And like toddlers we seem to be really good at throwing fits when things don't go our way.
So what does this have to do with pants, women and inequality? Well if we consider the comment above about how it isn't about pants, it is about disenfranchisement, etc, etc, what we get from it really is, "I want to live my life the way I want to live it and I don't like the leaders in this church telling me that I should have children and can't do the stuff that the priesthood holders do. I want to have those special abilities too!" Now imagine it all being said by a toddler that doesn't realize that they can't always get what they want. Yep, it suddenly looks very familiar to a day with Davy. We are children and until we get through our heads that this world, this life and what we achieve in it doesn't really matter we are going to have problems like the lady above. It doesn't matter what callings we hold, it doesn't matter if women never hold the priesthood and it doesn't matter what we wear to church. But one thing that does matter that she mentioned, children. Families. Why is the church so focused on families? On having more children, on "giving up" years of our lives to raise those children? Is it because they want us to give up our dreams and our lives for our children? Well, yes, because that is really part of the whole point. If we are part of a Heavenly family then wouldn't it seem to make sense that learning how to be part of a good and productive family would be part of our earthly training to become like our parents? Family is important, and raising that family right is also important. Important enough that we have been commanded to have children. Some people are not able to do this for one reason or another, and that is part of their struggle in life. And it is a difficult struggle, I know from experience.
But I do believe that those who do not have the chance to have a family with children in this life will be given the chance after this life. Why? Because I believe that raising a family is an essential part of becoming like God. And that brings us back to gender equality. The genders were never meant to be the same. Men provide for their family different things than women do. And that is important, studies have shown that children develop properly when they have a father and mother in their life. It isn't always possible, but when it is possible it is important to have for children. Trying to make women like men doesn't make things better for children, it doesn't help things. The truth is, though some parts of feminism are good, there are other parts that are just ridiculous and have pushed the whole movement into the ridiculous side of things. This is one of them. Anyway, that is my say on the matter.
Today on Facebook one of my friends posted a link to a news article regarding a Mormon Feminist group "All Enlisted" who is urging LDS Women to wear pants to church this Sunday to protest gender inequality. Here is the link to the article: LDS Women urged to wear pants to protest gender inequality
I would like to quote one of the comments that was made in response to this article "It isn't about the actual clothing, it is about the disenfranchisement and marginalization of women in the church. It is about the fact that the church leaves women out of the highest leadership roles. It is about conference talks regularly attempting to guilt us into having more children and giving up another 18 years to raise that child. It is bringing to light the pain we feel attempting to raise our daughters to be strong, independent women and yet still going to church and having sacrament meeting led by men and blessed and passed by boys 1/3 our age. And all of this begins on Sunday morning with the dress or skirt we put on while our husbands put on a suit and tie."
Truthfully, women like the person who made this comment are really missing the point of the gospel. So what is the point? What is the whole point of coming to this earth anyway? Is it to live our life, fulfill our dreams and do everything we ever imagined we could do? Is it to become equal to each other in every way? Is it to get everything that everyone else has? What is the point of this life?
My answer to these questions has been a good long time in coming. Yes I could have told you the basic answer long ago as a child, but I didn't really understand what it all entailed at that point. I don't know if it has come through struggling for so long to have a family, or from the struggles and trials I have gone through in my life, or from just having children and having that family that I have always wanted, or maybe even from teaching seminary and thus coming closer to Christ and Heavenly Father. However I got to this point I do get it now.
The answer is: The point of coming here to Earth is to gain a body, experience life in such a way that we can grow to become like our Heavenly Parents, and then one day return to them and progress to become like them. The answer really comes down to another question, "What are we anyway?" We are children of God, literally. We are gods in embryo, or maybe rather in childhood. I suppose that our pre-mortal spirit life could be compared to being in an embryonic state and coming here to Earth is now our childhood of sorts. We learn, we grow and we learn how to act and be and the choices we make now will affect our next progressional phase in becoming like God. We are basically toddlers. And like toddlers we seem to be really good at throwing fits when things don't go our way.
So what does this have to do with pants, women and inequality? Well if we consider the comment above about how it isn't about pants, it is about disenfranchisement, etc, etc, what we get from it really is, "I want to live my life the way I want to live it and I don't like the leaders in this church telling me that I should have children and can't do the stuff that the priesthood holders do. I want to have those special abilities too!" Now imagine it all being said by a toddler that doesn't realize that they can't always get what they want. Yep, it suddenly looks very familiar to a day with Davy. We are children and until we get through our heads that this world, this life and what we achieve in it doesn't really matter we are going to have problems like the lady above. It doesn't matter what callings we hold, it doesn't matter if women never hold the priesthood and it doesn't matter what we wear to church. But one thing that does matter that she mentioned, children. Families. Why is the church so focused on families? On having more children, on "giving up" years of our lives to raise those children? Is it because they want us to give up our dreams and our lives for our children? Well, yes, because that is really part of the whole point. If we are part of a Heavenly family then wouldn't it seem to make sense that learning how to be part of a good and productive family would be part of our earthly training to become like our parents? Family is important, and raising that family right is also important. Important enough that we have been commanded to have children. Some people are not able to do this for one reason or another, and that is part of their struggle in life. And it is a difficult struggle, I know from experience.
But I do believe that those who do not have the chance to have a family with children in this life will be given the chance after this life. Why? Because I believe that raising a family is an essential part of becoming like God. And that brings us back to gender equality. The genders were never meant to be the same. Men provide for their family different things than women do. And that is important, studies have shown that children develop properly when they have a father and mother in their life. It isn't always possible, but when it is possible it is important to have for children. Trying to make women like men doesn't make things better for children, it doesn't help things. The truth is, though some parts of feminism are good, there are other parts that are just ridiculous and have pushed the whole movement into the ridiculous side of things. This is one of them. Anyway, that is my say on the matter.
Friday, December 7, 2012
Merry Christmas!
Rochelle has a Holiday Walk every December in downtown Rochelle. This year is the first time we learned about it ahead of time and were able to attend it. I would have liked to go to it sooner but I had to pass along the materials from my calling to the person who is now taking it over. That aside my mom and I hit the downtown area and visited a few shops and has some fun. The museum had a little fire in a brazier outside and inside they had Santa. We could take pictures with our own cameras of our children with Santa asking for toys or whatever. So this was Davy's first time meeting Santa, last year I didn't even try. And going by Davy's reaction this year I am kind of glad that I didn't. Davy was interested in the bells that Santa gave him to play with, but was not at all interested in having anything else to do with Santa, which I didn't really push. I figure Davy doesn't need to have bad experiences with Santa. It all resulted in us not getting any pictures, which is fine.
We also visited a few shops which were giving out free cookies and we also hit up the local thrift store which actually takes donations and uses the money that they make to fund a battered women's shelter. They were having a 25% off sale of everything in the store and Davy was able to get a few neat toys (most of them are going into the Church bag) two of which are toys that let him play with letters and numbers. He is in love with those. I also found a bag full of flashcards, but they are different than most flash cards. 1. They are thick cardboard cards that have a picture on one side and the word of what the picture is on the other. 2. They are also in the shape of whatever the picture is. 3. There are some letter cards as well that are in the shape of the letters. Kevin and I made flashcards for Davy but they were misplaced somewhere in our house and we haven't been able to find them yet. Kevin has been wanting to make some more flashcards for him but we haven't (or rather I haven't) gotten around to it yet. Kind of have been busy with getting ready for Christmas and having a baby.
Speaking about the baby, I am beginning to get ready for having the baby. I have written up a detailed babysitting guide for my parents that lists Davy's daily routines and have also put together a concise outline of his routines as well, I included important phone numbers and the feeding instructions for the dogs. I also put together a birth plan for when I deliver. Now I just need to print them all out, and pack bags for myself and for Davy and the dogs. I should probably pack a bag for Kevin as well just because. That way when the time comes we can just grab and go. I still can't believe that we are so close to her coming. By next Friday her lungs will be fully developed and she will be technically full term (37 weeks).
I am pretty much all done with Christmas presents, I just need to finish two of them, ship one of those two and then I will be done. I may drag Kevin up to Rockford tomorrow to get things for the last two presents.
Speaking of Christmas I have been thinking about it a good bit lately. So far this year I have discussed the birth story of Christ twice with my Seminary students. And this year I would like to go through it with Davy as well, I don't think he will really understand but I would like to go over it with him. I find that the older I get the less and less I like the gimmicky Christmas songs, you know, the ones about Frosty and Santa and Rudolph. Instead I love the beautiful songs about the Savior. This year I just seem so much more focused on the Savior at this Christmas time. With Christmas approaching Kevin and I have had more conversations about how we want to do the whole Santa thing.
When I was a child my parents told me at a pretty young age, I can't remember what age that was, that Santa was not real. So I knew, but as a family we still basically played along with the Santa premise. I don't really know how it was done in Kevin's family but I do know that one of his favorite personal traditions was helping his mom fill the Christmas stockings on Christmas Eve. They both suffer from insomnia so it was a great bonding time for him and his mom. Kevin and I have basically decided that we will tell our children that Santa is not really real but he is a fun tradition that we as a family will be doing. (Kind of similar to how my parents did it) I am guessing that we will probably also do it similar to how my parents did it where we will encourage them to "believe" in the Santa tradition even as we reaffirm that Santa is not actually real. I think we will probably go over the Santa story as a nice reminder of how we can serve others while focusing most of the celebration on the nativity story of Christ.
Recently I saw a video of a young child, probably toddler age maybe 3 or 4 who was upset by the fact that the "Christmas Elf" did not bring him the toy he really wanted, the child threw a long and very intense fit over it. I showed the video to Kevin and he said, "If any of our children throw a fit like that over a toy they get for Christmas then they will not be getting whatever it was they really wanted." Basically not wanting to reward the child for the fit they threw. Another way of viewing it is, we want to instill in our children that the gifts they get on Christmas do not come from some omniscient being that knows exactly what they want, the gifts come from real people who are trying their best to get something they think the child might like. The gifts may not be exactly what they wanted, but they should be grateful anyway. It reminds me of Kevin's first Christmas with my family. We were engaged but not married at the time (I think), it was Christmas and we were opening presents from my Grandma and Grandpa who were visiting for Christmas. It was my brother's turn to open his presents from them. He opened them and found Precious Moments Christmas tree ornaments. My brother was 13 years old at the time. Now, I don't know many (if any) 13 year old boys who want Precious Moments anything. But we had instilled into us by our parents the knowledge that we should be grateful for any present we got, especially from our grandparents who were both retired and on a fixed income and were giving us presents from things they could find or afford. So my brother was very thankful and gracious about his presents, so much so that Kevin (who at this point did not know my family very well as this was his second time meeting them) thought that my brother actually had wanted the Precious Moments figurines. It is this that I want to instill in my children, the attitude of gratitude no matter what they are given. I think more people need it, and I hope that my children are able to grow up with it as part of who they are.
We also visited a few shops which were giving out free cookies and we also hit up the local thrift store which actually takes donations and uses the money that they make to fund a battered women's shelter. They were having a 25% off sale of everything in the store and Davy was able to get a few neat toys (most of them are going into the Church bag) two of which are toys that let him play with letters and numbers. He is in love with those. I also found a bag full of flashcards, but they are different than most flash cards. 1. They are thick cardboard cards that have a picture on one side and the word of what the picture is on the other. 2. They are also in the shape of whatever the picture is. 3. There are some letter cards as well that are in the shape of the letters. Kevin and I made flashcards for Davy but they were misplaced somewhere in our house and we haven't been able to find them yet. Kevin has been wanting to make some more flashcards for him but we haven't (or rather I haven't) gotten around to it yet. Kind of have been busy with getting ready for Christmas and having a baby.
Speaking about the baby, I am beginning to get ready for having the baby. I have written up a detailed babysitting guide for my parents that lists Davy's daily routines and have also put together a concise outline of his routines as well, I included important phone numbers and the feeding instructions for the dogs. I also put together a birth plan for when I deliver. Now I just need to print them all out, and pack bags for myself and for Davy and the dogs. I should probably pack a bag for Kevin as well just because. That way when the time comes we can just grab and go. I still can't believe that we are so close to her coming. By next Friday her lungs will be fully developed and she will be technically full term (37 weeks).
I am pretty much all done with Christmas presents, I just need to finish two of them, ship one of those two and then I will be done. I may drag Kevin up to Rockford tomorrow to get things for the last two presents.
Speaking of Christmas I have been thinking about it a good bit lately. So far this year I have discussed the birth story of Christ twice with my Seminary students. And this year I would like to go through it with Davy as well, I don't think he will really understand but I would like to go over it with him. I find that the older I get the less and less I like the gimmicky Christmas songs, you know, the ones about Frosty and Santa and Rudolph. Instead I love the beautiful songs about the Savior. This year I just seem so much more focused on the Savior at this Christmas time. With Christmas approaching Kevin and I have had more conversations about how we want to do the whole Santa thing.
When I was a child my parents told me at a pretty young age, I can't remember what age that was, that Santa was not real. So I knew, but as a family we still basically played along with the Santa premise. I don't really know how it was done in Kevin's family but I do know that one of his favorite personal traditions was helping his mom fill the Christmas stockings on Christmas Eve. They both suffer from insomnia so it was a great bonding time for him and his mom. Kevin and I have basically decided that we will tell our children that Santa is not really real but he is a fun tradition that we as a family will be doing. (Kind of similar to how my parents did it) I am guessing that we will probably also do it similar to how my parents did it where we will encourage them to "believe" in the Santa tradition even as we reaffirm that Santa is not actually real. I think we will probably go over the Santa story as a nice reminder of how we can serve others while focusing most of the celebration on the nativity story of Christ.
Recently I saw a video of a young child, probably toddler age maybe 3 or 4 who was upset by the fact that the "Christmas Elf" did not bring him the toy he really wanted, the child threw a long and very intense fit over it. I showed the video to Kevin and he said, "If any of our children throw a fit like that over a toy they get for Christmas then they will not be getting whatever it was they really wanted." Basically not wanting to reward the child for the fit they threw. Another way of viewing it is, we want to instill in our children that the gifts they get on Christmas do not come from some omniscient being that knows exactly what they want, the gifts come from real people who are trying their best to get something they think the child might like. The gifts may not be exactly what they wanted, but they should be grateful anyway. It reminds me of Kevin's first Christmas with my family. We were engaged but not married at the time (I think), it was Christmas and we were opening presents from my Grandma and Grandpa who were visiting for Christmas. It was my brother's turn to open his presents from them. He opened them and found Precious Moments Christmas tree ornaments. My brother was 13 years old at the time. Now, I don't know many (if any) 13 year old boys who want Precious Moments anything. But we had instilled into us by our parents the knowledge that we should be grateful for any present we got, especially from our grandparents who were both retired and on a fixed income and were giving us presents from things they could find or afford. So my brother was very thankful and gracious about his presents, so much so that Kevin (who at this point did not know my family very well as this was his second time meeting them) thought that my brother actually had wanted the Precious Moments figurines. It is this that I want to instill in my children, the attitude of gratitude no matter what they are given. I think more people need it, and I hope that my children are able to grow up with it as part of who they are.
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