For those of you who have been waiting to hear about my first bouts with morning sickness, here you go. This morning I have felt rather queasy. Pretty much nauseous over everything, I told my co-worker who got all excited. Not my idea of something to be excited over. Yes it means I am pregnant. But I already knew that. What it has meant is that I have to be rather careful about what smells I am around today. I put scented lotion on this morning and now I am not sure it was such a good idea. I drove someone to work this morning and she wanted to stop by Starbucks on the way. But eventually she told me that I didn’t have to. Which I am actually glad of, because I am not sure if the smell might have put me over the puke level. Thankfully when I got the water for my oatmeal this morning the coffee in the break room didn’t cause me to feel sick. However, now I am sitting here with a cup of oatmeal waiting for the nausea to go away before I eat it.
Thankfully I have not thrown up yet, and I am not looking forward to it. Ironically it seems that people are almost anxious to see me puke. Maybe not “see” it, but hear about it. Almost as if that settles the pregnancy in concrete. I would really rather it not happen.
I am nervous about the cold I had. I did call up the fertility clinic during that time to find out what medicine I could take. They told me Sudafed, and so I went to the store to find a ton of Sudafed options. So I took the cough and cold kind. And now looking back at it I am really scared that it might have done something to the baby(ies). I think I will ask them about it at the ultrasound. I know I need to put it out of my mind so that I don’t get too stressed out about it. But it still makes me nervous.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Faith
Today I read a post from a friend of mine about hope. It discussed the different sides of hope and how many people see it as a good thing and others see it as a bad thing. At the end of the post she asked others about their opinion and if they have any favorite quotes or sayings about hope. So I posted a response and I gave her the following:
"Faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true."
(this is a scripture which can be found in Hebrews 11:1, Ether 12:6, and Alma 32:21)
What is so ironic about this scripture is that on Tuesday after I found out that I was pregnant, after I came home from work, I met up with my mom and we went store hopping. While at Hobby Lobby I found some framed sayings on clearance, and one of them said, "Faith is things which are hoped for and not seen." And my mom and I looked at it and she said, "How awesome is it that on the day that you find out you are pregnant you find this picture?" And I who was thinking similarly decided to buy it. I plan to put it up somewhere in my home so that I can remember that day.
As I mentioned in my comment, I think faith and hope go hand in hand. I don't think you can have faith without hope, and I don't think you can have hope without some faith.
Kevin and I have had quite a few experiences with faith, the first was with his cancer, and between then and now we have had many many more, however, through it all we have had faith that someday, one day, we would have kids.
How exciting is it, how wonderful is it that after so long of having faith, after so long of having hope, that now our prayers and our faith is answered? I must say that I am a bit scared for what is to come, but I am also very excited. And I am so very happy that our faith has come through.
"Faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true."
(this is a scripture which can be found in Hebrews 11:1, Ether 12:6, and Alma 32:21)
What is so ironic about this scripture is that on Tuesday after I found out that I was pregnant, after I came home from work, I met up with my mom and we went store hopping. While at Hobby Lobby I found some framed sayings on clearance, and one of them said, "Faith is things which are hoped for and not seen." And my mom and I looked at it and she said, "How awesome is it that on the day that you find out you are pregnant you find this picture?" And I who was thinking similarly decided to buy it. I plan to put it up somewhere in my home so that I can remember that day.
As I mentioned in my comment, I think faith and hope go hand in hand. I don't think you can have faith without hope, and I don't think you can have hope without some faith.
Kevin and I have had quite a few experiences with faith, the first was with his cancer, and between then and now we have had many many more, however, through it all we have had faith that someday, one day, we would have kids.
How exciting is it, how wonderful is it that after so long of having faith, after so long of having hope, that now our prayers and our faith is answered? I must say that I am a bit scared for what is to come, but I am also very excited. And I am so very happy that our faith has come through.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Shots
So on Thursday (tomorrow) I have another appointment with the Fertility Clinic, they will be testing my progesterone levels. Hopefully they are good enough that I can stop the shots. But if they are not I think I am going to ask if I can start suppositories. On Monday night I tried something different with the ice pack, I sat on it. Usually I just lie there on my stomach and let it sit on me. I tried it because Kevin thought it might get my butt colder because the last few shots I have felt more than usual.
Well sitting on it did get things colder, but I now wonder if it was too much colder. When we took the ice pack off Kevin was worried by how the skin felt. I didn't feel any of the shot, but I now have a huge welt there where the ice pack was, and the entire area hurts like I got a bunch of shots all over that area.
So last night we did 7 minutes instead of 10 and that worked better. I felt the shot a little bit, but not enough for it to really matter.
Another interesting thing. After the IV attempts from the surgery I anticipated the blood test to hurt as the needle went in. Having the last thing that went in there be the IV I must say that the blood test was almost nice.
Am I getting used to shots? Probably, I don't know quite what to think of it all. Especially considering that I have always had a slight fear of needles. Today I read over the post when I gave myself my first shot for the Artificial Insemination attempt. I was so nervous and scared at the time. And now looking back all I can think is, "Heh, that shot was easy peasy! Nothing to get worked up over. The other subcutaneous shots I gave myself were pretty much the same as that shot. And they weren't that bad really."
If they do give me the go ahead to use progesterone suppositories though I will take them up on it. As much as it might seem that I like waking up out of deep sleep at 2 am so that I can get my butt iced and then a 1 1/2 inch needle stabbed into my butt, I really don't. Besides my butt is beginning to feel numb and I am beginning to wonder if all the icing is causing nerve damage.
Well sitting on it did get things colder, but I now wonder if it was too much colder. When we took the ice pack off Kevin was worried by how the skin felt. I didn't feel any of the shot, but I now have a huge welt there where the ice pack was, and the entire area hurts like I got a bunch of shots all over that area.
So last night we did 7 minutes instead of 10 and that worked better. I felt the shot a little bit, but not enough for it to really matter.
Another interesting thing. After the IV attempts from the surgery I anticipated the blood test to hurt as the needle went in. Having the last thing that went in there be the IV I must say that the blood test was almost nice.
Am I getting used to shots? Probably, I don't know quite what to think of it all. Especially considering that I have always had a slight fear of needles. Today I read over the post when I gave myself my first shot for the Artificial Insemination attempt. I was so nervous and scared at the time. And now looking back all I can think is, "Heh, that shot was easy peasy! Nothing to get worked up over. The other subcutaneous shots I gave myself were pretty much the same as that shot. And they weren't that bad really."
If they do give me the go ahead to use progesterone suppositories though I will take them up on it. As much as it might seem that I like waking up out of deep sleep at 2 am so that I can get my butt iced and then a 1 1/2 inch needle stabbed into my butt, I really don't. Besides my butt is beginning to feel numb and I am beginning to wonder if all the icing is causing nerve damage.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Thoughts about pregnancy
It is interesting to find myself at this point in my life. When I was a teen I had it all planned out. I would get married early around 18 or 19, much like my mom did. And I would get pregnant right away. Just like my mom did. And I would have little kids and be a great mom, just like my mom was. Well I did get married early. I was 19 when I tied the knot. But pregnancy became that ever ellusive thing.
In our first year of marriage I was on birth control, because I wanted to finish up some of my college, and I wanted Kevin to get a little further in college as well. But the birth control played a merry mayhem with my hormones and after 6 months I stopped taking it. Six months later cancer hit our lives. And how were we to know that one year into our marriage something like that would happen that would change our lives forever?
So now here I am 9 years later, almost at my 10 year anniversary, and finally after trying so many things we finally get pregnant. How exciting it is. And how surreal. I still don't quite know what to think yet. I still don't know quite what to do about it all. And there is a part of me that fears that something may happen to ruin this wonderful miracle.
Today Kevin wrote a blog about it on his Facebook, and I must say that after reading it I really am grateful to have the husband I have. I am linking it below for those interested.
I'M GOING TO BE A DADDY!!
Today at 1:09pm
Unofficial $4 pregnancy test yesterday says I'm going to be a daddy. Official doctor run pregnancy test was today, but we don't have the results yet. It gives me a lot to think about. Married for 10 years without any children, but not because we didn't want them. It was because cancer treatments sterilized me after our first year of marriage.
Strange to think about. At Church and at work and among family members, childless equates to "not really a full-fledged adult yet." Ten years married without children has seemed to be ten years in limbo, somewhere between "no longer a child" and "not a real bonifide adult." Sometimes you could just scream when you hear, "You'll understand when you have children." But now that incredibly incomplete and bitter reality appears to be at an end.
It's amazing how many perspectives you get on this. Coworkers Jeff and Doug both recommend, "Don't do it! Don't have kids! It'll ruin your life and make you miserable!" They speak from experience as both of them have kids, yet really have no way to understand because their background is so vastly different from ours. Growing up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints -- the only Christian religion I'm aware of that places eternal significance on marriage and children. How could anyone understand without coming from that same background? How could anyone understand the feeling of utter incompleteness and emptiness we've felt for 10 years, unless they too have experienced 10+ years of childlessness?
There can be little doubt that those 10 years are going to have a big impact on our attitudes and actions as parents. Hopefully it will all be for the better. I worry a bit that we might spoil the children we have because we've spent such a long time wanting them and never having them. I worry a bit that we'll be inadequate parents -- but seriously, is there even such a thing as a perfect parent?? More than anything, what I'm feeling and thinking is, "It's about time!" I think the absolute elation of the news is just beginning to sink in.
I think I'm stopping myself from feeling this yet because a $4 pregnancy test is the only confirmation we have so far. They say that false positives are rare with those tests, but isn't completely reassuring. But even if it's not 100% certain, it's the best news I've had in about 10 years.
Right in the middle of writing this, Rachel called. IT'S OFFICIAL!! I'M GOING TO BE A DADDY!!
Test next week should tell us how many. Any number one or above is just fine by me!
In our first year of marriage I was on birth control, because I wanted to finish up some of my college, and I wanted Kevin to get a little further in college as well. But the birth control played a merry mayhem with my hormones and after 6 months I stopped taking it. Six months later cancer hit our lives. And how were we to know that one year into our marriage something like that would happen that would change our lives forever?
So now here I am 9 years later, almost at my 10 year anniversary, and finally after trying so many things we finally get pregnant. How exciting it is. And how surreal. I still don't quite know what to think yet. I still don't know quite what to do about it all. And there is a part of me that fears that something may happen to ruin this wonderful miracle.
Today Kevin wrote a blog about it on his Facebook, and I must say that after reading it I really am grateful to have the husband I have. I am linking it below for those interested.
I'M GOING TO BE A DADDY!!
Today at 1:09pm
Unofficial $4 pregnancy test yesterday says I'm going to be a daddy. Official doctor run pregnancy test was today, but we don't have the results yet. It gives me a lot to think about. Married for 10 years without any children, but not because we didn't want them. It was because cancer treatments sterilized me after our first year of marriage.
Strange to think about. At Church and at work and among family members, childless equates to "not really a full-fledged adult yet." Ten years married without children has seemed to be ten years in limbo, somewhere between "no longer a child" and "not a real bonifide adult." Sometimes you could just scream when you hear, "You'll understand when you have children." But now that incredibly incomplete and bitter reality appears to be at an end.
It's amazing how many perspectives you get on this. Coworkers Jeff and Doug both recommend, "Don't do it! Don't have kids! It'll ruin your life and make you miserable!" They speak from experience as both of them have kids, yet really have no way to understand because their background is so vastly different from ours. Growing up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints -- the only Christian religion I'm aware of that places eternal significance on marriage and children. How could anyone understand without coming from that same background? How could anyone understand the feeling of utter incompleteness and emptiness we've felt for 10 years, unless they too have experienced 10+ years of childlessness?
There can be little doubt that those 10 years are going to have a big impact on our attitudes and actions as parents. Hopefully it will all be for the better. I worry a bit that we might spoil the children we have because we've spent such a long time wanting them and never having them. I worry a bit that we'll be inadequate parents -- but seriously, is there even such a thing as a perfect parent?? More than anything, what I'm feeling and thinking is, "It's about time!" I think the absolute elation of the news is just beginning to sink in.
I think I'm stopping myself from feeling this yet because a $4 pregnancy test is the only confirmation we have so far. They say that false positives are rare with those tests, but isn't completely reassuring. But even if it's not 100% certain, it's the best news I've had in about 10 years.
Right in the middle of writing this, Rachel called. IT'S OFFICIAL!! I'M GOING TO BE A DADDY!!
Test next week should tell us how many. Any number one or above is just fine by me!
It's official!
So last night we decided to buy a $4 pregnancy test from Target and the results came back positive! We called up all our family and told them that though the tests can be faulty at least it was a possible positive.
This morning I went in to the fertility clinic and had my blood taken. At 1 pm today they called me up and made it official. I am pregnant!
So exciting, I am not quite sure if it has really sunk in fully yet. But as it is I am super excited about it all. I can't believe that in 9 months I should be having a baby or maybe two.
On Thursday (7 am) I will go back to the fertility clinic and they will do another blood test to see how my hormone levels are doing, especially the progesterone. And then next week they will have me come back in for my first ultrasound. They said that we should be able to see how many are in there at that time.
It's so exciting, I will probably post later about feelings and thoughts and such. But for now I am sticking with the anouncement. I'm pregnant! I'm going to be a Mommy!!!
This morning I went in to the fertility clinic and had my blood taken. At 1 pm today they called me up and made it official. I am pregnant!
So exciting, I am not quite sure if it has really sunk in fully yet. But as it is I am super excited about it all. I can't believe that in 9 months I should be having a baby or maybe two.
On Thursday (7 am) I will go back to the fertility clinic and they will do another blood test to see how my hormone levels are doing, especially the progesterone. And then next week they will have me come back in for my first ultrasound. They said that we should be able to see how many are in there at that time.
It's so exciting, I will probably post later about feelings and thoughts and such. But for now I am sticking with the anouncement. I'm pregnant! I'm going to be a Mommy!!!
Monday, May 24, 2010
Tomorrow
Time seems to have passed in a strange jerking motion. To think that I started this two week wait driving out to my parent's. What a strange visit. Good, but strange, and filled with stress here and there. And then to get sick at the end of it. Which caused the rest of the time to flow in a strange half aware motion that illness seems to always bring with it. And now here I am, at work again, feeling better, but still sick. Anxious for tomorrow. Last time I knew a day or two ahead of time, because I began to bleed. This time though there is no blood to give me the heads up.
This morning I glanced through drawers for pregnancy tests. Knowing that tonight would be when I could test myself with a faulty drugstore pee stick. I find myself at the same crossroads as I did last time. Do I want to know the night before? Or should I just wait till tomorrow? It ties my stomach in knots thinking about it. I will probably just wait for tomorrow. It is better to know for sure then guess early. At least this time there has only been one baby dream.
Last night we watched the last disk of the 2nd season of House. One of the episodes involved a baby, it was difficult to watch. Tonight could be the last of my progesterone shots, or not. We shall see.
This morning I glanced through drawers for pregnancy tests. Knowing that tonight would be when I could test myself with a faulty drugstore pee stick. I find myself at the same crossroads as I did last time. Do I want to know the night before? Or should I just wait till tomorrow? It ties my stomach in knots thinking about it. I will probably just wait for tomorrow. It is better to know for sure then guess early. At least this time there has only been one baby dream.
Last night we watched the last disk of the 2nd season of House. One of the episodes involved a baby, it was difficult to watch. Tonight could be the last of my progesterone shots, or not. We shall see.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
What a vacation! Fun, stressful, and full of cute kids. So on last Tuesday (May 11th) I had the embryo transfer, which went great! Then we got everything ready and drove out to my parent's house. My sister arrived later that evening. Got to see my grandparents, which went well, thank goodness. Between last Tuesday and this Tuesday I: Spent a lot of great time with my sister and her cutie Sydney, spent a lot of time with my brother and my sister in law and their cutie Carli, went with my mom to a mammogram that didn't happen, found out that while we were gone to said appointment that Kevin and my brother had gotten into a fight that my dad joined and that Kevin didn't want to stay anymore, ended up fixing things between Kevin and my brother and dad ensuring that we could stay, went to church with my family, went swimming with my family, played Frisbee with my family at the park, got family pictures taken, watched a lot of movies and caught the cold that my sister had. Now I have a really bad cold, ironically hers was really mild.
Went back to work today, had to go home early and based on how I feel when I wake up tomorrow I may not go in tomorrow. Feel like crap. Tired and needing to hit up ACE for Kevin. Wanted to post an update on everything. Oh and the shots have been going well. Because we ice up the shots don't hurt going in, but the next day my butt feels super bruised.
Went back to work today, had to go home early and based on how I feel when I wake up tomorrow I may not go in tomorrow. Feel like crap. Tired and needing to hit up ACE for Kevin. Wanted to post an update on everything. Oh and the shots have been going well. Because we ice up the shots don't hurt going in, but the next day my butt feels super bruised.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)