Early motherhood, that special time when everything is saggy. Your happy little tummy now looks like a deflated beach ball, and when they are not full of milk you boobies look like smaller versions of your tummy. Just the other day my mom was over and she said, "Are you wearing a bra?" and I said, "Yes, but I just pumped so they are extra saggy right now."
I have come to the conclusion that motherhood is made up of pain and responsibility. Giving birth hurts, healing from giving birth hurts, breastfeeding hurts, pumping hurts, and what doesn't hurt slowly leaches away at your sanity. The baby cries and you feel obligated to go get him, pick him up and comfort him, but sometimes you just can't figure out what is wrong.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Obligatory Picture Post
So I figured I needed to post some pictures of Davy, since I have not posted any as of yet. I will probably post most of this behind a cut for those with slow connections.
So awesome!
I just wanted to write a post about how awesome Kevin is. I know I get frustrated with him a lot but all in all he is pretty great! When I look back on the last few months I find it incredible how much he has done. Not only did he get this house pretty much put together with the help of my dad, but he has helped me out in so many ways.
Before the baby he was the perfect husband, anytime I asked him to get something for me he would pretty much do it. And maybe as a pregnant woman I took advantage of that at times, but he didn't complain about it, ever. And when we went to the hospital to have the baby, my parents came and though it was nice having them there it was also a bit frustrating. Mostly because now that we were in the hospital they were focused on the baby completely. So when I was in discomfort they were like, "Yay, that means the baby is coming." Kevin though was immediately there for me, making sure to be there for me the entire time. Don't get me wrong, when it got down to it my mom really stepped it up and was awesome, but from the very beginning Kevin was there for me through it all. When the epidural failed he was the first one to realize that something was wrong and was immediately at my side making sure I was ok. After the baby came he took care of him for me so that I could get sleep. To the point where he changed every single dirty diaper that Davy had while we were at the hospital. Every single one.
Since we have come home Kevin has really been a good dad, yes there are times where I get frustrated and I wish he would do more. But for the most part he has been amazing. He has never turned me down when I have asked him to change a diaper, he is more than willing to feed the baby if I need him to. He loves to hold the baby, and almost every night he stays up till 2 am or 3 am and sometimes 5 am taking care of the baby so that I can get some uninterrupted sleep. How many husbands would do that? Really? To tell the truth because he does that we have better sleep than most new parents. I sleep from about Midnight to sometime around 7 am, 8 am, or 9 am and Kevin sleeps usually from 2 or 3 am till 9 am, 10 am, or 11 am. Not too bad considering. And Davy sleeps most of the night, which for being so young is really awesome for us.
All in all Kevin helps me keep my sanity, and has helped me to stay pretty stable during these first 3 weeks. And that in my book counts him as pretty darn awesome!
A while ago I heard a song on the Christian Rock station that reminds me of Kevin, and I wanted to share it:
Before the baby he was the perfect husband, anytime I asked him to get something for me he would pretty much do it. And maybe as a pregnant woman I took advantage of that at times, but he didn't complain about it, ever. And when we went to the hospital to have the baby, my parents came and though it was nice having them there it was also a bit frustrating. Mostly because now that we were in the hospital they were focused on the baby completely. So when I was in discomfort they were like, "Yay, that means the baby is coming." Kevin though was immediately there for me, making sure to be there for me the entire time. Don't get me wrong, when it got down to it my mom really stepped it up and was awesome, but from the very beginning Kevin was there for me through it all. When the epidural failed he was the first one to realize that something was wrong and was immediately at my side making sure I was ok. After the baby came he took care of him for me so that I could get sleep. To the point where he changed every single dirty diaper that Davy had while we were at the hospital. Every single one.
Since we have come home Kevin has really been a good dad, yes there are times where I get frustrated and I wish he would do more. But for the most part he has been amazing. He has never turned me down when I have asked him to change a diaper, he is more than willing to feed the baby if I need him to. He loves to hold the baby, and almost every night he stays up till 2 am or 3 am and sometimes 5 am taking care of the baby so that I can get some uninterrupted sleep. How many husbands would do that? Really? To tell the truth because he does that we have better sleep than most new parents. I sleep from about Midnight to sometime around 7 am, 8 am, or 9 am and Kevin sleeps usually from 2 or 3 am till 9 am, 10 am, or 11 am. Not too bad considering. And Davy sleeps most of the night, which for being so young is really awesome for us.
All in all Kevin helps me keep my sanity, and has helped me to stay pretty stable during these first 3 weeks. And that in my book counts him as pretty darn awesome!
A while ago I heard a song on the Christian Rock station that reminds me of Kevin, and I wanted to share it:
Breastfeeding revisited
Davy is doing so much better at breastfeeding. I have been able to get him to nurse at almost every feeding now. We usually finish him off with the bottle, but on average he has been feeding for 15 minutes on each side. That is 30 minutes nursing total per feeding session. Yay!! I still pump after each feeding, which means that the whole feeding thing (if Kevin is not around) takes a long time. But it was already taking a long time anyway.
One thing I have learned with having a baby is that formula stinks! And I mean it really smells, to the point that I have almost puked from the smell of it. Yuck! Breast milk on the other hand smells just fine, hardly any aroma to it at all, and if there is an aroma the best I can describe it as is sweet. I guess different women's milk looks different, meaning it comes in different colors. Some is white, some is yellow, some (depending on what they eat) can be slightly green and I have even read of some which after eating certain things came purple. Mine, according to my husband and my mom looks like sweetened condensed milk. All I know is it keeps the baby fed and happy. If only it didn't leave me feeling like a miniature cow. Seriously, if I am not feeding the baby I am hooked up to a machine that milks me, and when it is done I hand milk myself to make sure to get anything the machine missed.
Ah well, at least the baby gets fed and that is what matters to me. I do wish it didn't hurt quite so much though. OUCH!
One thing I have learned with having a baby is that formula stinks! And I mean it really smells, to the point that I have almost puked from the smell of it. Yuck! Breast milk on the other hand smells just fine, hardly any aroma to it at all, and if there is an aroma the best I can describe it as is sweet. I guess different women's milk looks different, meaning it comes in different colors. Some is white, some is yellow, some (depending on what they eat) can be slightly green and I have even read of some which after eating certain things came purple. Mine, according to my husband and my mom looks like sweetened condensed milk. All I know is it keeps the baby fed and happy. If only it didn't leave me feeling like a miniature cow. Seriously, if I am not feeding the baby I am hooked up to a machine that milks me, and when it is done I hand milk myself to make sure to get anything the machine missed.
Ah well, at least the baby gets fed and that is what matters to me. I do wish it didn't hurt quite so much though. OUCH!
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Breastfeeding
Davy breastfed twice during the last two feedings. He fed for probably about 30 minutes last night during his 3/4 am feeding time and then he did the same thing this morning at his 8/9 am feeding. I let him feed until he unlatched and then finished him off with the bottle. Considering that he hasn't breastfed regularly yet this is a big success for us. Not that it really makes things any easier. I still need to pump after he feeds, and I still need to make plans for when I have to go back to work. Which is at the beginning of March. I know I still have three weeks left (mostly) but it seems like my maternity leave is going by so quickly.
I don't really want to go back to work, even though it will be working from home still. I still don't feel like I have enough time in the day with everything the baby throws at me. Something that would seem like a quick little process turns into a big production. Take last night. My mom comes over so I can take Kevin's laptop to him at work since he forgot it at home. Baby wakes up while I am gone, so my mom feeds him and then he falls asleep. She leaves and like always after my parents leave, Davy wakes up. I change him, and then feed him again because he is acting hungry. He seems to finish eating so I go to put the bottle away, as I am in the kitchen he gets the "I am going to throw up" look on his face and then proceeds to throw up what looks like everything he ate while I fed him and while my mom fed him. (a huge waste of milk, ugh!) I go to clean him off and end up changing his diaper while I am at it, while doing that he proceeds to pee all over himself, so I end up having to give him a bath. By the time he is cleaned, changed, in new clothes and calmed down a huge amount of time has passed. All my plans for the night (cleaning the rest of the kitchen, making bread, making a dinner for myself other than a frozen meal) has gone out the window.
And currently the little guy is crying, but I am still hooked up to the pump. So finish pumping and then see if I can get him to go back to sleep.
I don't really want to go back to work, even though it will be working from home still. I still don't feel like I have enough time in the day with everything the baby throws at me. Something that would seem like a quick little process turns into a big production. Take last night. My mom comes over so I can take Kevin's laptop to him at work since he forgot it at home. Baby wakes up while I am gone, so my mom feeds him and then he falls asleep. She leaves and like always after my parents leave, Davy wakes up. I change him, and then feed him again because he is acting hungry. He seems to finish eating so I go to put the bottle away, as I am in the kitchen he gets the "I am going to throw up" look on his face and then proceeds to throw up what looks like everything he ate while I fed him and while my mom fed him. (a huge waste of milk, ugh!) I go to clean him off and end up changing his diaper while I am at it, while doing that he proceeds to pee all over himself, so I end up having to give him a bath. By the time he is cleaned, changed, in new clothes and calmed down a huge amount of time has passed. All my plans for the night (cleaning the rest of the kitchen, making bread, making a dinner for myself other than a frozen meal) has gone out the window.
And currently the little guy is crying, but I am still hooked up to the pump. So finish pumping and then see if I can get him to go back to sleep.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Emergency Room
As those of you who follow my facebook know I ended up in the emergency room Thursday night. It was due to chest pain. It started late Thursday night as I was feeding Davy, it felt like pressure in my chest. Almost like someone was sitting on it from the inside. Needless to say I kind of freaked out. I laid Davy down to see if lying down myself would help things. It did not. Davy had not been laid down properly, aka waiting till he fell asleep and such so he was screaming and I was lying there hoping the pain went away and wishing I could hold Davy and calm him down. I finally got back up and picked him up and after more chest pain I finally freaked out enough that I called my mom and asked her to come over. Usually I would just tough things out and not really worry too much about stuff but the idea of Davy without a mom freaked me out enough to seek out help.
When my mom came over she told me to call up my doctor and see what they told me. Of course my doctor wasn't there at that time of night but I did get an answering service that had a doctor on call give me a call. The doctor talked to me, and talked to my mom, and then said that I should go to the emergency room just in case. So I called Kevin up and told him to come home and take me to the emergency room. It was about 5 minutes till he got off of work anyway, so it worked out ok.
We had to go to Rockford for the emergency room so it was a 30 minute ride, Kevin was pretty worried the entire trip there. When we got there they took me in and hooked me up to an EKG machine. Then they moved me into room, gave me an IV, took some blood, did a chest X-ray on me, and eventually gave me a CAT scan. The CAT scan required them to inject iodine contrast into my blood, and because of that I had to pump and dump for the next 24 hours. It seemed like such a waste of milk. Thankfully I had some frozen milk so Davy has had less formula than he would have had otherwise. As it is though I am still behind. I need to get my milk supply going again. While I was in the hospital I wasn't able to pump until the very end, such a painful time, I ended up leaking all over my hospital gown and down my chest as well. Not fun at all.
After all the tests it turns out that I have bronchitis, they gave me a prescription for antibiotics, as well as an inhaler. Davy is doing well, he was watched by my mom Thursday night/Friday morning. Both Kevin and my mom worked together to help me get a lot of sleep once I got home. I am feeling a lot better today, I just wish I wasn't so behind on milk production.
When my mom came over she told me to call up my doctor and see what they told me. Of course my doctor wasn't there at that time of night but I did get an answering service that had a doctor on call give me a call. The doctor talked to me, and talked to my mom, and then said that I should go to the emergency room just in case. So I called Kevin up and told him to come home and take me to the emergency room. It was about 5 minutes till he got off of work anyway, so it worked out ok.
We had to go to Rockford for the emergency room so it was a 30 minute ride, Kevin was pretty worried the entire trip there. When we got there they took me in and hooked me up to an EKG machine. Then they moved me into room, gave me an IV, took some blood, did a chest X-ray on me, and eventually gave me a CAT scan. The CAT scan required them to inject iodine contrast into my blood, and because of that I had to pump and dump for the next 24 hours. It seemed like such a waste of milk. Thankfully I had some frozen milk so Davy has had less formula than he would have had otherwise. As it is though I am still behind. I need to get my milk supply going again. While I was in the hospital I wasn't able to pump until the very end, such a painful time, I ended up leaking all over my hospital gown and down my chest as well. Not fun at all.
After all the tests it turns out that I have bronchitis, they gave me a prescription for antibiotics, as well as an inhaler. Davy is doing well, he was watched by my mom Thursday night/Friday morning. Both Kevin and my mom worked together to help me get a lot of sleep once I got home. I am feeling a lot better today, I just wish I wasn't so behind on milk production.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
The best husband for the job
I keep finding myself wanting to write about this, mostly because I have heard about husbands in the labor and delivery room who make the experience awful. Specifically I keep seeing commercials for the TV show "One born every minute" which follows women through the labor and delivery process. For the teaser clip they show a few scenes of the women in the labor and delivery room waiting for the baby to come and it shows the husbands and what they are doing and saying, and they are awful! One man plays around on his phone while his wife has contractions, one man tells his wife that he is bored and that the baby needs to come now. And it causes me to reflect on my experience.
As I mentioned before my epidural failed during my delivery, and it failed right as the transitional contractions were underway. Which means that I was dropped from a relatively pain-free experience right into the worst of it all. Kevin was the first one to realize that I was experiencing pain. And he realized it from the expression on my face. The moment he realized I was in pain he was immediately at my side holding my hand and saying comforting things to me. The next few hours were filled with pain, pushing, crying and a severe wanting on my part for the baby to be out of me so that the pain would stop. And all through it Kevin was at my side, holding my hand, saying comforting things to me. One of my favorite things he said, and kept saying was, "You are so beautiful." And he meant it, I could tell from the expression on his face when he said it. I have heard about women cursing at, screaming at, yelling at, punching, calling names, and many other things to their husbands, but when you have someone sitting there holding your hand, stroking your hair, and telling you that you are beautiful how can you get mad at that person?
As we got into the pushing I had to lean forward with each contraction, grab my legs and push for all I was worth for a count of ten. I was exhausted though, and could barely keep my eyes open let alone lean forward, and grab my legs. Thankfully both Kevin and my mom were there to help me. Kevin stood on one side and my mom on the other and together they would lift me up so that I could grab my legs, then they would help me lower back down and hold my hands after the contraction was over. They both kept telling me to squeeze their hands, but I hardly had the energy for that, I guess I did squeeze their hands hard at some point because I broke open the skin on my mom's hand with my nails at some point, and I almost did the same to Kevin. I probably could have made it through labor without my mom and Kevin, but I don't feel like it. They were a big necessity for me during the whole process. The doctor and the nurse kept telling me to get mad so that I would have more energy for the pushing, but I just couldn't get myself angry, yes I was in pain, but I had such a great support group there helping me that I just couldn't find anger in myself. Either way I got the job done and little David is here. It seems strange to think he has been here a week already. And even stranger to realize that yesterday was his official due date. It is good to have him here, I am so grateful for that little guy.
The I gave birth, before everything really got started Kevin went out to get some things. He came back with two dozen roses and a vase for them. He took of all the thorns when he got to the hospital and then set the flowers up for me. Everyone who came into the room stopped to smell them. The next day my parents came with flowers as well. It is one thing I remember clearly about my mom giving birth to my brother and sister, she got flowers. I am so thankful to both Kevin and my parents for remembering that and making sure I had flowers. They are so wonderful!
As I mentioned before my epidural failed during my delivery, and it failed right as the transitional contractions were underway. Which means that I was dropped from a relatively pain-free experience right into the worst of it all. Kevin was the first one to realize that I was experiencing pain. And he realized it from the expression on my face. The moment he realized I was in pain he was immediately at my side holding my hand and saying comforting things to me. The next few hours were filled with pain, pushing, crying and a severe wanting on my part for the baby to be out of me so that the pain would stop. And all through it Kevin was at my side, holding my hand, saying comforting things to me. One of my favorite things he said, and kept saying was, "You are so beautiful." And he meant it, I could tell from the expression on his face when he said it. I have heard about women cursing at, screaming at, yelling at, punching, calling names, and many other things to their husbands, but when you have someone sitting there holding your hand, stroking your hair, and telling you that you are beautiful how can you get mad at that person?
As we got into the pushing I had to lean forward with each contraction, grab my legs and push for all I was worth for a count of ten. I was exhausted though, and could barely keep my eyes open let alone lean forward, and grab my legs. Thankfully both Kevin and my mom were there to help me. Kevin stood on one side and my mom on the other and together they would lift me up so that I could grab my legs, then they would help me lower back down and hold my hands after the contraction was over. They both kept telling me to squeeze their hands, but I hardly had the energy for that, I guess I did squeeze their hands hard at some point because I broke open the skin on my mom's hand with my nails at some point, and I almost did the same to Kevin. I probably could have made it through labor without my mom and Kevin, but I don't feel like it. They were a big necessity for me during the whole process. The doctor and the nurse kept telling me to get mad so that I would have more energy for the pushing, but I just couldn't get myself angry, yes I was in pain, but I had such a great support group there helping me that I just couldn't find anger in myself. Either way I got the job done and little David is here. It seems strange to think he has been here a week already. And even stranger to realize that yesterday was his official due date. It is good to have him here, I am so grateful for that little guy.
The I gave birth, before everything really got started Kevin went out to get some things. He came back with two dozen roses and a vase for them. He took of all the thorns when he got to the hospital and then set the flowers up for me. Everyone who came into the room stopped to smell them. The next day my parents came with flowers as well. It is one thing I remember clearly about my mom giving birth to my brother and sister, she got flowers. I am so thankful to both Kevin and my parents for remembering that and making sure I had flowers. They are so wonderful!
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