Wow

The things that have happened since I posted last. I went to write a post tonight, about something completely not having to do with the last few months and got a message saying "Restore previous post?" So I thought, "Oh what the heck, let's see what I was posting." This is what I found:

"What a night I had. Woke up in the middle of the night in intense pain. My first thought was, "I shouldn't have eaten right before going to bed." I woke up and came into the living room and eventually threw up everything I ate.

Update: The doctor thinks I have food poisoning, I have thrown up three times since last night. I feel awful, but am feeling better since taking some pain killer and throwing up. I just hope I feel well enough tomorrow that I can pick up Kevin's parents from the airport."


This would have been in March or so I think. Anyway it was around the time we had Davy's baby blessing. After that I ended up having intense pain followed by throwing up and feeling better quite a few times after that. Finally around April I went to the emergency room for it. I remember dropping the baby off at my parents, saying in a weak voice "Baby" to my mom, who told me that they would take care of the baby, and then we went up to Rockford to the hospital. I threw up along the side of the road on the way there. By the time we got to Rockford I was feeling better so Kevin and I got some food. Not long after eating the food I started feeling pain in my abdomen again. So we continued our journey to the emergency room, it seemed to take quite awhile for them to get me in, but once they did they did an ultrasound and after looking it over told me that it looked like I had gallstones that I was passing and that they were going to keep me in the hospital, do a few more tests and probably remove my gall bladder. Within the next eight days they starved me, did a CT scan on me, removed my gall bladder, and put a tube down my throat and cut a larger hole in one of my valves and released what they called "sludge". Then they sent me home.

Looking back I realize that I was stupid not to have gone to the hospital sooner. But I tend to tough out painful things and put them off as nothing. During the whole hospital stay I managed to pump and nurse when my parents brought Davy in. I am still nursing now.

Davy is currently breastfed with formula supplements. It is cheaper that way but after this whole year of breastfeeding adventures I would not say easier.

For my birthday I got a sewing machine and I have turned into a sewing fool. I have sewn a loopy ball, a loopy block, a stuffed axe, a ball for grasping, and am currently working on a terry cloth cat, a fake fur vest and a pair of leather boots, all for Davy. And I have patterns I have found online for many other things. All for Davy. Kevin thinks it is funny that all my interest at the moment is for Davy. And he is right, I shop for Davy, I craft for Davy, and I spend a good part of my day with Davy.

He is currently crawling, he just started, and he just began to start standing (with the support of different objects). He is beginning to be dangerous to leave unobserved.

Though it is stressful life is still good, and I am happy I have my family. So much has happened this year, and yet it feels like it is flying by. I am making Davy a viking costume for Halloween (thus the axe, fur vest and boots) and am excited about it all, as well as by the idea that we have Christmas coming up as well as his birthday soon. It seems so crazy that I began this year by having a little baby.

Stress, fear, I no longer know my emotions

Yesterday I began to spot. I have been told that spotting can be normal in pregnancy. I noticed it right before going to a friend's house. One who knows about my pregnancy, but really hadn't been able to wish me congrats in person yet. With the spotting on my mind it was difficult to be as thankful as I should have been for her congratulations. I felt unsure and awkward.

Last night was terrible. After I returned I googled "spotting at 5 weeks pregnant" of course it pulled up stories from people who miscarried. I pretty much freaked out, I prayed, I wept, and I begged for everything to be ok. This morning I called my doctor's office at 6 am, the message said they didn't open till 6:30 am. The closed office message didn't go down though until about 5 minutes to 7 am. The nurse I needed to talk to wasn't there and so I left a message. (It didn't help that last night I had a dream about going to the doctor's office and speaking to the nurse face to face and having her tell me that it sounded like I lost the baby and that she really couldn't care less) At about 11 am she called me back and told me that it sounded like I would be ok, and that if I started having severe stomach pain and cramping and began to bleed a lot then I should worry and contact them immediately. I took that to mean that if that happened then I would be definitely losing the baby. She told me to take things easy and not to lift anything heavy. I told my manager and she had the meeting I had scheduled for later that day then and there and then sent me home. The meeting itself stressed me out a good deal. And tomorrow I have another meeting that will stress me out pretty good.

Today has been weird for me. I don't know quite how to feel. I feel tired, worn out, and worried about this. I have not really wanted to talk to anyone and so I fear I was snarky at work with certain people. My father in law called and left a message to see how everything was going. I could not call him back, I really did not want to talk about any of it at that point. I still feel torn, what if it all fails, now, now that I have told everyone? I just don't know anymore...should I let things out, should I keep things in? All I feel I can do now, is keep up hope, and wait till Friday for the ultrasound. It seems strange now, I know I should be excited, like I was, about the ultrasound. But at this point I can only worry, and hope everything is ok.