It really is amazing how much joy one little boy can bring to my life. As crazy as things get it is so much fun to spend time with Davy. I was thinking today about how wonderful it is that I can be having an absolutely awful day where everything is going wrong and I am angry and frustrated and upset and all I have to do is see Davy and everything gets better. His little smiling face is such a joy.
Today we went for a walk as a family, Davy discovered that he could see me through the clear sunroof thing on the stroller. So for the rest of the walk he kept peeking up at me throwing me super adorable smiles and giggles. He loved looking at everything, it is so nice to be able to get out and do stuff outside now that it has gotten warmer. I am really surprised at how hot it was today. It got almost up to 80 degrees in our house.
It is really fun now that Davy is walking, he toddles all over the place. We have to watch him carefully, but it is still a lot of fun to watch him explore things. Today I built him a tent between two of our couches, he seemed to like it, but kept pulling the blanket down. He got this crazy idea that climbing on top of the blanket would be a good idea, thankfully I tucked the blankets tight enough that he slowly dropped to the floor, still I had to watch him the rest of the day and keep him from climbing on it again.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Thoughts on children
Tonight I was thinking back to when we lived in Utah and how at the time there was little chance of us having kids. I remember seeing my friends and watching their families grow and realizing that there was a chance that we might never have any. Now that I am someone's mother I am so amazed at how blessed we are just to have our little guy. And even if he turns out to be the only child we can have we are still so blessed to have him.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Failure
On the day that I gave birth to Davy I was asked when I thought I would try getting pregnant again. My response? "Give me a year to get over this." And sure enough by October I was contacting my OBGYN to see about getting things rolling, I knew that getting pregnant would take time. And sure enough it did. We really didn't get started until early January, Kevin moved his frozen vials of semen from one facility to another, I got things set up with my new fertility doctor, and everything was getting ready for my January cycle. When it hit everything got moving. I started taking shots, I started taking pills, I started going in on a weekly basis for blood tests. Everything moved along quickly. But the truth was, we could barely afford it all. Just the gas to drive to and from my appointments was something we had to carefully plan out. And the two drives to Chicago nearly killed us. But we made it, I even got a ride to the Pregnancy Test. That isn't counting the toll that the shots took on me, my rear end is currently black and blue from progesterone shots. But it was all worth it for the shot at getting pregnant, except, we didn't get pregnant.
Each try at IVF is $10,000 but with our insurance they pay for three attempts. Davy was our first attempt, and this was our second. We now have one last attempt left. And I am really scared that it won't work. If we can't afford gas to get to appointments, how in the world would we afford IVF without insurance? Answer is, we can't. After all our IVF attempts are over we have Artificial Insemination left, three more attempts of that left, and then we are done.
It is really difficult, I was planning this out, discussed it with Kevin. We were going to get pregnant again right away, because fact is I am not getting any younger. And this seems to be the year of babies, my sister is pregnant, my sister in law (brother's wife) is pregnant, my sister in law (Kevin's sister) is pregnant, heck even one of my cousins is pregnant. Everyone seems to be pregnant, except for me. And it really hurts, I know it will get easier over time, and I know, or at least hope that we will get pregnant again. But at this point I really don't know when. To sacrifice so much just to find out that your one in three chances failed.
Any of your who read this and have a child that you got easily through sex, don't you dare take that child for granted, because there are people out there who go through hell to get what you have. People who would love to have your child, no matter how difficult they are. And I am one of them.
Each try at IVF is $10,000 but with our insurance they pay for three attempts. Davy was our first attempt, and this was our second. We now have one last attempt left. And I am really scared that it won't work. If we can't afford gas to get to appointments, how in the world would we afford IVF without insurance? Answer is, we can't. After all our IVF attempts are over we have Artificial Insemination left, three more attempts of that left, and then we are done.
It is really difficult, I was planning this out, discussed it with Kevin. We were going to get pregnant again right away, because fact is I am not getting any younger. And this seems to be the year of babies, my sister is pregnant, my sister in law (brother's wife) is pregnant, my sister in law (Kevin's sister) is pregnant, heck even one of my cousins is pregnant. Everyone seems to be pregnant, except for me. And it really hurts, I know it will get easier over time, and I know, or at least hope that we will get pregnant again. But at this point I really don't know when. To sacrifice so much just to find out that your one in three chances failed.
Any of your who read this and have a child that you got easily through sex, don't you dare take that child for granted, because there are people out there who go through hell to get what you have. People who would love to have your child, no matter how difficult they are. And I am one of them.
Pregnancy test
Today was the day, the anticipated Pregnancy Test Day. I went in early this morning and they took my blood, and then told me that they would call me with the result around 1 pm to 1:30 pm. At 1:28 they called me with the news...we are not pregnant.
It has been a rough day, I don't know what else to say.
It has been a rough day, I don't know what else to say.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Toddler
Davy has been walking with assistance since January 2nd of this year, however as for walking on his own he hasn't really done much. Every so often he would go short distances, like from Daddy to Mommy and back, but extended walks on his own, not so much. Instead he has preferred to hold our hand while he walks around. In fact this has been his favorite activity for quite a while. I knew he would eventually find his courage and start walking on his own, but as the time passed Kevin got more and more anxious for Davy to be walking. So much so that just yesterday morning he asked me to see if I could find exercises or techniques we could use to get Davy to walk on his own. But that was not at all necessary because Davy started walking on his own yesterday afternoon. Kevin was practicing with him on walking and Davy just started taking off. Then when Davy and I went to Nana and Grandpa's house last night after Daddy went to work Davy walked all over their house. He is a walking maniac! He hasn't figured out how to get up after he falls down, so he just crawls over to something and pulls himself up and then goes walking again, but again, I am sure it is something he will figure out soon. In the meantime though we now have a toddler, and a proud Daddy.
The Name Game
Currently we are in a holding pattern, also called that excruciating 10 day wait until the pregnancy test. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow for blood work, but after that nothing until the 23rd. In the mean time I figured that I would talk about names.
On our drive to Chicago yesterday Kevin brings up the name conversation. Names have been a head butting point for the two of us for years. When it comes to the boys, we are pretty much ok. We have decided to use family names as first names and then the name of the next boy sibling as their middle name. So far we have the following in order that we would name them for the boys.
David Isaac
Isaac Knight
Knight Alexander
Alexander Andrew
Davy already has his name so now we have at least three names ready to go. Girl names are not so easy. Kevin and I disagree on girl names at almost every turn. I hate the girl names he likes, he hates the girl names I like. Every so rarely we find a name we can compromise on. On the way to Chicago Kevin decided that we should discuss the girl names as well. So we start listing off any girl names we can think of. This is faulty though because most of the names we think of are not names I particularly like. We did come up with a few names we both agreed on though. So currently here is what we have for girl names.
Evangeline Faye
Aria Juul
Andromeda
Elizabeth
Sariah
The last three we are not completely certain yet, but they are in our top five currently. Yesterday I had Kevin go through a name website and list the ones he likes. Then I will go through the list, which includes names I like and the names Kevin likes and we will decide how much we like each name by giving it a number. 1 means you hate the name and 10 means it is your favorite name of all time. That way we can narrow down names to our most favorite.
On our drive to Chicago yesterday Kevin brings up the name conversation. Names have been a head butting point for the two of us for years. When it comes to the boys, we are pretty much ok. We have decided to use family names as first names and then the name of the next boy sibling as their middle name. So far we have the following in order that we would name them for the boys.
David Isaac
Isaac Knight
Knight Alexander
Alexander Andrew
Davy already has his name so now we have at least three names ready to go. Girl names are not so easy. Kevin and I disagree on girl names at almost every turn. I hate the girl names he likes, he hates the girl names I like. Every so rarely we find a name we can compromise on. On the way to Chicago Kevin decided that we should discuss the girl names as well. So we start listing off any girl names we can think of. This is faulty though because most of the names we think of are not names I particularly like. We did come up with a few names we both agreed on though. So currently here is what we have for girl names.
Evangeline Faye
Aria Juul
Andromeda
Elizabeth
Sariah
The last three we are not completely certain yet, but they are in our top five currently. Yesterday I had Kevin go through a name website and list the ones he likes. Then I will go through the list, which includes names I like and the names Kevin likes and we will decide how much we like each name by giving it a number. 1 means you hate the name and 10 means it is your favorite name of all time. That way we can narrow down names to our most favorite.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Embryo Transfer
Today was our Embryo Transfer, or in other words where they implanted the embryos into my uterus. The drive into Chicago was not too bad, except for some of the traffic. The worst part was when we got there. In my instructions for pre-transfer I am instructed to drink water/liquid when we were halfway there. I had Gatorade in a two liter Gatorade bottle, I ended up drinking most of the bottle. Meaning I really had to go when we got there. It took 30 minutes for them to bring me back, but thankfully once they did they let me empty my bladder a little. Yay!
Then the embryologist came in and talked to us about the embryos, one was in early blastocyst and the other two were compounding, which is pre-blastocyst. The optimum is when the embryo is in blastocyst, but the embryos were good for implanting as they were. They took the early blastocyst embryo and the farthest along compounding embryo and implanted those.
Some neat things:
1. Kevin got to stay in the room and watch the embryo transfer, last time he wasn't allowed in the room
2. They showed us the embryos on the TV in the room before the transfer
3. We got to watch the ultrasound and see the embryos placed in my uterus, we even got our first picture of the baby/babies if they end up taking, the gave us an ultrasound picture of the embryos in my uterus
Now is the waiting time, on February 23rd we will have the pregnancy test that will tell us if this worked or not. I really hope that it will.
Then the embryologist came in and talked to us about the embryos, one was in early blastocyst and the other two were compounding, which is pre-blastocyst. The optimum is when the embryo is in blastocyst, but the embryos were good for implanting as they were. They took the early blastocyst embryo and the farthest along compounding embryo and implanted those.
Some neat things:
1. Kevin got to stay in the room and watch the embryo transfer, last time he wasn't allowed in the room
2. They showed us the embryos on the TV in the room before the transfer
3. We got to watch the ultrasound and see the embryos placed in my uterus, we even got our first picture of the baby/babies if they end up taking, the gave us an ultrasound picture of the embryos in my uterus
Now is the waiting time, on February 23rd we will have the pregnancy test that will tell us if this worked or not. I really hope that it will.
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