Failure

On the day that I gave birth to Davy I was asked when I thought I would try getting pregnant again. My response? "Give me a year to get over this." And sure enough by October I was contacting my OBGYN to see about getting things rolling, I knew that getting pregnant would take time. And sure enough it did. We really didn't get started until early January, Kevin moved his frozen vials of semen from one facility to another, I got things set up with my new fertility doctor, and everything was getting ready for my January cycle. When it hit everything got moving. I started taking shots, I started taking pills, I started going in on a weekly basis for blood tests. Everything moved along quickly. But the truth was, we could barely afford it all. Just the gas to drive to and from my appointments was something we had to carefully plan out. And the two drives to Chicago nearly killed us. But we made it, I even got a ride to the Pregnancy Test. That isn't counting the toll that the shots took on me, my rear end is currently black and blue from progesterone shots. But it was all worth it for the shot at getting pregnant, except, we didn't get pregnant.

Each try at IVF is $10,000 but with our insurance they pay for three attempts. Davy was our first attempt, and this was our second. We now have one last attempt left. And I am really scared that it won't work. If we can't afford gas to get to appointments, how in the world would we afford IVF without insurance? Answer is, we can't. After all our IVF attempts are over we have Artificial Insemination left, three more attempts of that left, and then we are done.

It is really difficult, I was planning this out, discussed it with Kevin. We were going to get pregnant again right away, because fact is I am not getting any younger. And this seems to be the year of babies, my sister is pregnant, my sister in law (brother's wife) is pregnant, my sister in law (Kevin's sister) is pregnant, heck even one of my cousins is pregnant. Everyone seems to be pregnant, except for me. And it really hurts, I know it will get easier over time, and I know, or at least hope that we will get pregnant again. But at this point I really don't know when. To sacrifice so much just to find out that your one in three chances failed.

Any of your who read this and have a child that you got easily through sex, don't you dare take that child for granted, because there are people out there who go through hell to get what you have. People who would love to have your child, no matter how difficult they are. And I am one of them.