Today I had a little break in the action of chasing around Davy and so I decided to check facebook and see what was going on. And that is how I learned of the tragic shooting that happened in CT today.
When I had Davy I suddenly discovered that I had obtained a new fear. A fear that something could happen to him and that he could die, especially at his young age, there are so many things that can so easily kill a child. It is scary, you spend the first few years of your child's life watching them so closely because you are terrified that something may happen that will take them out of your life. There have been nights, after Davy goes to sleep where I walk through our living room and see all his toys all over the place and I think, how sad it would be if he died and I had to clean up all the toys with the realization of just how irrelevant they had become. All the memories of him playing with this toy or that toy, his little face turning to smile up at me. And it strikes a deep and very resonant cord in me and usually makes me cry. Usually it is those nights that I have to go in and stare at him for awhile as he sleeps, remind myself that he is just fine and is peacefully sleeping and in the morning will wake happy and alive.
And so it is that fear that makes the shooting today so very real to me. The article I read said that 20 children were killed in this tragedy. And one of the comments made regarding the article mentioned that the families of those children will be going home to decorated houses with presents hidden in closets that no one would open. And it made me think of my thoughts on Davy's toys. Tonight I started to wrap presents. I brought out presents from where I had them hidden in my closet and started to get them ready to wrap. My heart just breaks for those families who lost their children. I can imagine the heartbreak, because I already have imagined it every day since Davy was born. I know little Evangeline is not yet here but I have already started my worry for her. Children are such a wonderful thing in life it makes a parent realize just what a void they would leave in your life if anything happened to them. My heart breaks for the families affected by today's tragedy.
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