Since the second day we had him Davy has been fussier than he was on the first day. At first we thought that it had to do with his circumcision, but when we took him in to his first doctor's appointment on Monday we discovered it was because he was hungry. My milk hadn't come in yet, and he wasn't getting as much nourishment as he needed. The doctor advised us to supplement with formula until my milk supply came in. So we went home and gave him his first bottle. And then my milk came in so I pumped and we gave him some of the pumped breast milk in a bottle, and then later Kevin gave him another bottle of formula, in total he had four bottles of formula/breast milk. Fast forward to 3 am on Tuesday morning, I am sitting in the living room with Davy, trying to get him to take my breast. And he wants nothing of it. One day, one day with bottles ruined it all. I ended up feeding him breast milk in a bottle and then taking all my stress out on Kevin. Poor Kevin. We didn't get back to sleep until about 7 am or so.
Tuesday I spent the day from 9 am to about 5 pm trying to get Davy to take the breast again. But he was having none of it. He screamed, and cried and screamed some more. Scrunched, angry baby face was the Davy face I was coming to know. Finally at 5 pm I had enough, I had done everything. I had called his doctor for help (advice, keep trying), I had looked online (advice, keep trying), I had tried every hold that La Leche League shows, I tried different latch techniques, I tried nursing skin to skin, I tried pumping first to get my milk flowing and then tried to get Davy to nurse, I tried putting milk on my nipple to entice him, I tried every single thing that I could find for advice to get my baby to nurse. And Davy just screamed harder and harder. I knew he was getting really hungry and nothing was working and he was starving.
So I finally broke down and did what Kevin told me all day not to do. I gave him a bottle of pumped milk. I let him drink until he wasn't screaming anymore then took the bottle away and offered my breast, and he latched on and sucked for about 1 minute tops, but he still latched on for the first time since we gave him his first bottle. Yay!! This achievement made me feel happier than it really should have, but it relieved so much stress for me. So now I have been pumping and feeding him off my pumped milk, and at each feeding pulling out the breast and having him sniff it and play with the nipple and sometimes even latch on for a bit. I figure it will take time before he actually nurses from me again, but hopefully it will happen eventually.
In the meantime I had to buy new pumps. The lactation consultant that I called on Tuesday called me back and we talked this morning about Davy's nursing strike and what I can do about it. And she told me I did exactly what I should have done. And that I am doing what I need to do to get him back on the breast. Then we talked about pumps, and I mentioned that my pump was getting about 2 oz from each breast in about an hour's time sometimes two hours. She told me I needed to get a hospital grade pump and that there were a few places I could call to rent one. The pumps she was speaking of were Medela pumps. Which I had thought about buying but hadn't because I couldn't conscience buying a breast pump for that much money. But the rental costs would have added up to that amount in just a few month's time. So today we went to the store and bought an electric Medela pump and a hand held manual Medela pump. On the way home I pumped each breast for 15 min with the hand held manual pump, and I got about 3 1/2 oz total breast milk. So tonight I have put together the electric pump and in a 15 min pump session I got another 4 oz total (2 oz from each breast). What a relief, and how nice that it went so quickly instead of the 2 hours I am used to with my other pump.
So hopefully Davy will eventually get off the nursing strike and get back on my breast, but in the meantime it is nice to finally have a quality pump that does what I need it to and will give Davy the food he needs until he does begin nursing again.
With everything that has been happening, what with Davy crying all the time (which he does much less now that he is getting enough food), and the nursing strike and just the stress of being a new parent, oh and the hormones too, I have been having the baby blues. For the past few days I have been so sleep deprived, so emotionally compromised, and so frustrated that I have basically been on the verge of tears 24/7. It is kind of funny what I find myself crying over. The dance numbers on the show "Live to Dance", commercials, the other night my parents and I watched the movie "Secretariat" and every time the horse ran I cried. Much of my crying has happened while I held Davy and wished that I could do something for him, this resulted in he and I sitting there crying together. It has made Kevin a good bit jumpy as he doesn't know when I am going to have a meltdown next.
Speaking of Kevin, he has been awesome with everything. Yes he has had his tough spots as well, times where he got just as frustrated as I was, but overall he has been very supportive. He has happily helped by holding the baby, changing diapers, taking care of the baby, feeding the baby (with bottles), comforting me when I have a meltdown, listening to me when I get frustrated, called for help when I really needed it (aka. got my parents to come by), and in general staying mostly calm and mostly reasonable through all this. Not all new fathers are like him, I know this. There are some fathers who refuse to change diapers, period. He changed all the diapers for Davy when we were in the hospital. I helped with one, but he was really the one that did them all. He has changed many diapers since we got Davy home as well. It really makes me appreciative for how awesome Kevin is. He really is one of my heroes.
All of this crazy baby stuff seems to finally be calming down a little, enough that I don't feel like I am going crazy anymore. And the little bit of calm makes me feel really good. Much better than I have felt for a while now. I don't think I will be completely ok for awhile still, but for now I will take what I can get.
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