Today I watched the movie Brave. Maybe it is because I am pregnant and therefore more emotional, or maybe it is just that being a mother opens those emotional floodgates but there were quite a few times I found myself crying during the movie. Mostly it was due to my feelings as a mother and my feelings for my children.
I have been thinking about motherhood quite a bit lately, and I find it interesting what I have come to as I gather more and more time as a mother. Maybe these thoughts come to me because I have had a good amount of time in life to accept adulthood and my role as an adult. It was somewhere in my early twenties that I finally came to the point where I felt like an adult. It is ironic to me that most people today don't really regard someone as an adult until they reach their 30s or so. It seems almost ridiculous. Especially considering that they assume that people will do stupid things in their 20s and then become responsible in their 30s. Truth is, your teen years are the time for you to be stupid, by the time you leave for college you need to really start making the transition into thinking about the world with an adult frame of mind. Either way, by the time I was in my late 20s I was pretty sure that I felt like an adult, and couldn't really have more growing up to do. And why was it that other adults who had children didn't really treat me as quite equal to them. I had gone through hard things, I had grown substantially, I felt like a responsible adult. Why then did they treat me as if I was lacking some essential component to make me into a full adult. Then I had David and it all clicked into place.
When I was a child and into my teens I viewed the world as a giant puzzle, when things made sense, when things people had talked to me about but really hadn't fully made sense finally came together and clicked I saw it as a puzzle piece finally finding its place in the puzzle and clicking into place. I could almost hear the clicks as it happened. David was one of those puzzle piece moments. Sure it didn't happen all at once, but very shortly after having him I saw exactly why other adults with children still treated Kevin and I as if we weren't quite adults yet. Because we really weren't. We were almost full adults, but not quite.
There is something about parenthood that changes a person. I am sure that it doesn't happen for every person out there, but for the good parents I am pretty sure it does. Suddenly you are given a type of responsibility that you have never had before. Responsibility that doesn't just go away. And day by day that responsibility changes and grows and becomes something different. Everyday is slightly different than the last with new discoveries and challenges. And you have this little person who loves you and learns from you and who you find you love more than anyone you have ever met so far. And that, that is really something.
I was talking with Kevin about it the other day. When you are a child you love your family. You sometimes fight with them and don't agree on everything, but at the end of the day when it really comes down to it you truly love them. Then at some point you grow up and go out into the world and hopefully find someone that you fall in love with. So much in love with that you feel like you have never really known love before. You love them so much that you want to spend your life with them. And you get married and go off to start a family together. And then, hopefully at some point you have children. And with that first child you discover something amazing. That wonderful intense love you feel for your spouse, well it is nothing compared to the love you feel for your child. In fact you have never felt love so intense before, it is astonishing. And that brings me to certain conclusions of motherhood that I have come to.
1. You have to put God first. I had always heard this before, put God first and your family second. But I couldn't really get my head around it completely. Then this year I found myself relying on the Lord for answers to different decisions I have had to make. As I relied more and more on his help I also found myself doing the small things I need to be doing anyway, praying, reading scriptures, going to church. And I have found that I really like where it all takes me. And I realized that to be the kind of mother I want to be I need to make God my first priority. I need to make sure I am doing the things that keep me close to him and his gospel, because there is really no other way I can better prepare myself and my children to live in this world and still keep hold to the gospel. This all being said, putting God first does not mean putting church callings above family. Church comes fourth in this list, but God and your relationship with him comes first.
2. You have to put your spouse second. After God your spouse should come next. Which as you get farther into your marriage becomes difficult, especially if you remember what I mentioned above about your new love for your child being so much more powerful than your love for your spouse. But when it really comes down to it the truth of the matter is that one of the best things you can do for your children is to let them know that you love your spouse. And that when the chips fall you stand by your spouse no matter what. A marriage really is the union of two people into one, and if you don't stand as one then you will soon be divided.
3. You have to put your children third. Though it may be difficult to keep them there this is where they need to be. Third on the list and they need to stay there, you can't let them rise or fall. Remember your family is more important than pretty much anything else in your life. The only thing that comes before family is your own eternal salvation. It is much like on an airplane when they say, "if there is an emergency where you need to use oxygen masks remember to put your own mask on first before helping another person to put on their mask." You can't help to save someone else if you have not saved yourself first. The important thing here is to remember that your children, your family should come before other things. Games, work, life in general. It will all pass and at some point everything will be gone, but your ties to your family will remain forever. No matter what you do in life you will still be tied to your family even if you do disown them.
The best way to go through life then is to make the most of the eternal things. Make the most of your eternal salvation, make the most of your eternal partnership with your spouse, and make the most of your eternal ties to your family. A bit of a rambling from where I started but in the end this is what it all comes back to, the eternal things in life.
No comments:
Post a Comment