Oh. Heck. Yes!

So wandering around the Baby Center I came across this post leading to a blog on pregnancy. There I found one of the best things I have found in a long time. Things I wanted to say while pregnant.
Please note that some of the things in the blog linked and some of the things I say below are about vomiting and boobies and so forth, read at your own disgression.

Not all of the things apply to me, some of them really don't, but some of them so very much do. So I figure I will go over the ones that apply and comment on them.

"Thank you. I'm glowing because I just violently vomited in your bathroom"
I don't vomit as often as I used to, but I am still nauseous a good part of the time, and I find myself gagging often. Thankfully I haven't had anyone tell me that I look like I am glowing after vomiting, usually they get really concerned because I am swaying and pale and look like I am about to pass out. But still, what I really hate is people who say, "Oh, I am sure it will eventually get better." (big happy smilie face) Yeah, it will get better when I pop this baby out of me. Until then all bets are off.

"I see you over there, trying to get next to me so you can put your hands on my enormous stomach. If you touch my belly I will start screaming so loud that you will fall down and dogs from all over down will come running to your prone form. And I will bray with laughter as they pee on you."
People touching me. ACK!!! Now don't get me wrong, I am often a very touchy feely person, but only with those people who I feel comfortable with. That includes close friends and family. Not co-workers, not my husband's friends, not random strangers. If I give you a strange look as you reach out to touch "the belly" don't finish your reach, instead pull your hand back, slowly making no sudden movements or you may not get that hand back at all.

"I'm so glad you felt you wanted to share your labor story with me. But I'm trying to eat breakfast so could we please discus your mucous plug a little later?"
Labor stories, pregnancy horror stories. They never really seem to end. At least the nice thing with having heard so many is that I can use them to horrify others. People ask me how I am doing? "It depends on the day, I still feel nauseous most of the time but at least it isn't landing me in the hospital like my sister in law did during her pregnancies." Thankfully I do have friends who will tell me good stories so I don't completely freak out.

"You know what? I'm growing a person. If I want to eat this Big Mac and then eat another you will have nothing to say about it. As a matter of fact, if you try and keep and keep me from my Big Mac and his step-brother, the refreshing and delicious fountain Coke, I will turn into the Incredible Hulk except with pregnancy hormones, and I will rip off the arms you used to steal my cheeseburger."
Most foods I can't eat, most foods make me want to puke. In fact there is a large majority of foods that just don't like me anymore. So I eat what will stay down. Thankfully it doesn't include burgers, or maybe sadly, either way the food I can eat is not always super healthy. But it is food and that is what I keep telling myself.

"What. Did. You. Just. Say. To. Me? That you can barely tell that I'm pregnant? What the HELL does that even mean?"
Oh heck yes! The other day I was at church and I asked a woman, "Do I look pregnant or do I just look fat?" and she says, "Oh you don't look pregnant yet." to which I repsonded, "Oh great! I just look fat." The woman was a bit of a dingbat as it was but still! If you know a woman is pregnant tell her she looks pregnant. Because otherwise she just feels fat.

"I could understand if you couldn't take your eyes off my belly, but the jugs you're staring at aren't even mine anymore. They're like two ginormous, bloated, scalding hot water bottles that cause me constant back pain. How's that for sexy?"
Seriously, how big can they get? I don't mind my husband oogling them, but other guys can keep their eyes to themselves. I know they are huge, leave off them.